my teens don't understand my nc with their grandad . My hard earned resolve is slipping .

[crje]

I am estranged from my very toxic father.
For background two of his kids don't talk to him , the other three just do jobs for him but have no relationship as he isn't capable/interested in giving anything back .

I struggled with my decision and it caused some problems with some of my siblings but I'm in a good place now .
Recently my teen sons have said its 'a bit lousy ' that I don't see him.
I explained it wasn't a decision I made easily .

I'm feeling very conflicted about it all, I wanted to save them being exposed to him and how he makes people feel shit about themselves.

Any advice ?

They will understand one day. Youve done the right thing protecting them. My mother felt sorry for her abusive mother and so she allowed me to stay with her all the time when i was young and i cant tell you what a terrible effect it had on both me and my mother. I didnt understand at the time i felt sorry for her and thought my mother was cruel to her. She really manipulated me and did me incredible psychological damage. It would have been much better if i had never even met her. Sometimes as an adult you wont be understood by your children for making decisions but its good that you do make them. They need protecting from harm that is the most important thing right now.

I will talk to them and I spoke to my other NC sister and she is happy to talk to them too if needed.

We live the closest to my father, the others work and/or live away.
I have one martyr sister who gives him one day a week & takes him for Christmas . I think if he didn't have her he might learn, maybe not .

My best friend died last year aged 45. She has 4 boys left with no mum. I wished my father was taken instead .isnt that awful!!
I'm cross that I had a shit dad. Father's Day was yesterday , I felt bad about myself again. It's hard this NC lark

Recently my teen sons have said its 'a bit lousy ' that I don't see him.

Is this different from most any of the the lousy decisions and behaviours offspring find in their parents as a mechanism by which they forge self definition and independence?