I'd be so grateful if anyone would take time to read this and comment. I'm in a situation where my marriage has been making me so miserable at times but feel completely stuck. We've been together for ten years and we have three very young children. Dh has got a busy, demanding job. The children never let us sleep. I've given up a great career for now to be a sahm.. probably a common story with a lot of challenges.
My dh can be the perfect husband a lot of times. He constantly tells me how attractive he finds me, he's lovely with the children and spends all his spare time with them. He cooks and cleans, never does anything by himself but always puts us first. Hearing him play with the children makes me always think what a great dad he is. He works really hard and his job involves looking after other people. He brings the only income in and deals with all the financial stuff. We can talk about pretty much everything and often have a good laugh together. Our interests and values are very similar.
BUT.. he constantly makes me feel so rubbish and low and I feel like he's doing it a little bit with our eldest daughter too. He's always critical and sarcastic. He can never say I've done anything well. He tells me I'm useless and can't even wipe my own a*. Apparently I'm untidy and inconsiderate, he worries for the safety of our children around me, can't handle the mess I make when cooking, I always ruin meals, make everyone unhealthy with not providing the right diet to the whole family. Am the most negative person on earth.. if I get upset or confront him about what he says he tells me he's just joking and I should get sense of humour for Christmas. My opinions are often ridiculous, apparently I don't cope as well or keep the house as tidy as all the other mums.. I'm sure you'll get the picture. He's also often critical of our daughter and sarcastic with her. She's always faffing, whining, getting in the way.. if I ask him to be nice to her he blows off the handle and tells me not to give him parenting lessons.
I often think about leaving but whenever I talk about how his behaviour upsets me and how I feel like I'm always treading on eggshells and can't relax in my own home he gets really upset, reflective and promises he'll change. And he often does change for a few weeks or even months. And he's always such a lovely dad and a devoted husband that I just feel unreasonable. However even when he's being nice I still feel like he doesn't appreciate me or think I'm good at anything. I want my kids to grow up in a happy family like I did and I can't handle the idea of them having to experience divorce. Feel so miserable about this but cant see a way out or how this could change. Any thoughts?