I don't know who to talk to about this in rl. Ever since our second baby came along (three months ago), my DH has become pretty useless and I don't know what to do about it.
When I was pregnant, I was made to feel like I was moaning when I complained that I was tired (working ft with a 3 yo toddler) or achey.
During the birth, he was almost like a bystander. He had hurt his ankle so wasn't really much help and far from the wonderfully supportive birth partner that he was the first time around. I understand that it must have been hard for him but he has never once told me hat he regrets not being able to be more supportive.
When people visited after DD arrived, he would go on and on about how much pain he was in. Visitors would joke about how it was nothing compared to the pain I was in. It upsets me that he wouldn't say how well I did, like everyone else's DHs seem to do.
During the early days of feeding, we had support from a lactation consultant. I wanted DH to watch so he could help me with latching technique later but he was so uninterested. I think the lactation consultant was embarrassed for me, he was so detached.
A few days after giving birth, I was desperate for some water while I was feeding and asked him for some. He got me a cup and tried to feed me and poured some of it down me and the baby. It's like he does a shit job on purpose so I don't ask him again.
I ask him to do a dream feed and every evening it's like I'm asking him to move mountains for me. I have to get the bottle prepared for him, I'm not sure why he isn't capable of doing it himself. Then he moans about he flow of the bottle (it's absolutely fine and the baby takes it happily). So I end up thinking it's easier to do it myself.
I can't remember the last time he changed a nappy. He rarely settles the baby for naps. He pretty much exclusively relies on the television to look after our toddler.
Now I'm on maternity leave, I do all of the cooking, laundry, Bill paying, organising weekends, remembering birthdays, etc. He says things like "what have we got planned this weekend" like I'm his personal events organiser. I even had to buy my own Mother's Day present.
He literally comes in after work once both girls are in bed (which is fucking impossible at the moment) and sits there and watches me cook. He does do the washing up in the morning and sort out the 3yo for nursery but that's probably it.
He does help out at the weekend but he forever moans about how tired he is and will go off for a nap in the middle of the day. It drives me up the fucking wall, there is always something wrong with him.
He has had several nights out after work this week - client networking is part of his job so I understand he has to go but on one occasion, he came back so drunk and was even more useless the next day. That happened to coincide with the baby having an awful night's sleep and the toddler being poorly so that day was particularly bad.
I'm just not happy. He used to be such a wonderful father and husband. It's almost like the novelty has worn off and he's not as interested now. I feel unloved and totally taken advantage of.
To top it all off, it's Father's Day tomorrow so the expectation is that we sing his praises all day. He had a terrible relationship with his father so I'm not sure if it's an appropriate time to raise all this with him.
I've tried being more direct - saying "I'm going to take ten minutes, can you do X" but he huffs and puffs about it like I should be grateful for his "help".
So I'm pissed off. I've left him with both children for a couple of hours or so but I feel like I need to go away for a day (tricky while bf) so he truly understands how difficult it is when one child needs you when you're busy with the other.
Who is being the dick here? Sometimes I wonder if I'm not being kind enough to him but honestly I am so drained, there's no compassion left.