So here's the situation I'm in:
I met a guy at a bar a couple of months ago, I was extremely drunk and he was a complete gentleman, helping me out and looking after me, and not taking advantage of me at all. I thought that he'd forget about me, but I got a text the next day asking to meet up, and after a couple of dates, we slept together. It was after this that he told me that he didn't want anything serious, and he as he was just visiting my town, he didn't want to start a long-distance relationship. I felt a bit downhearted, as I thought that me and this guy could really have something special, and that he just wanted to see me for sex.
After feeling a bit rejected, I went out to the same bar again, and met someone else, as I was feeling a little vulnerable, I went home with a man from the bar. I thought I would never see the second man again, but he invited me back to his house the next week, and we've been hooking up about once a week ever since. There's nothing serious here, he is an FWB and nothing more. I'm quite happy with this situation, as, while I like him as a person and in the bedroom, neither of us want a relationship with each other, and we can both get satisfaction without the pressures of being one another's partner.
However, a couple of weeks ago, the first guy texted me saying that he was visiting my city for the summer, and that it would be great to meet up again. I agreed, as I realised that I still had some feelings for this guy, and we've been on a couple of dates since then, and slept together twice. Again, he reiterated the fact that he doesn't want a relationship, and while I'm happy to be FWB with the other guy, this guy seems special, and I'm not sure that I can be with him and hide my true feelings. I should also mention that I would be willing to stop meeting up with the second guy if I was in a relationship with the first.
Obviously I must seem very hypocritical, as I am very happy to just sleep with the second guy no strings attached, and yet I am expecting more from the first guy. This is making me consider what I actually want from a relationship, and whether I'm treating sex as something less than it is. Ever since the first guy rejected me, I have been sleeping around, and while I recognise that that could be dangerous, I just cant stop. it's as if I need to feel attached to something after being rejected.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense or is confusing to you, I'm just as confused, and I don't know what to do or think!