When did you know your marriage was over?

[Mermaidsdonthaveathighgap]

I have been with DH for 5 years and we have the most beautiful DS. However I think I have fallen out of love with DH, I feel like I can't do this anymore and would be better off alone. It's so difficult though because he is not a bad person. When I married him I really wanted it to be forever.

I don't really know how to articulate how I feel. But I feel like he adds to my stress and I feel that he is like having another child rather than a husband. He lies about things which may seem quite trivial to others but not so much to me. He also relies on me to organise everything, he can't even change a lightbulb. We have had no light bulbs in the hallway for 6 months now. I realise I could have a go myself, but maybe he could too. He also doesn't put DH nappy on properly, I have shown him so many times but he just doesn't listen.

It's sounds silly but I'm in such a state because I find him so frustrating and don't like him and don't want to continue the relationship, but he's not an awful person so I don't want to do the wrong thing.

Just to add we are going to counselling, which just seems to cost a lot of money and cause a lot of arguments.

When I was asked to look after a friend's 2 children during their father's cremation and 'd'h said he didn't think he could do that - despite the fact that he was friends with the guy who'd died but hadn't seen him during the 3 months he was ill. I insisted he came with me, we parked the car outside the church (for the service before the crem) and he turned round and said 'I'm sorry but I can't do it' and walked home leaving me to it.

When I discovered I was his "beard".

I also found lists of all my (minor!) faults as though if you weighed all my faults on one side of the scales his closet homosexuality would pale into insignificance in comparison. Madness or, I suppose, a reluctance to see himself as the bad guy.

When he decided to tell me he didn't want to run his business anymore and just left when i was six months pregnant. Even though I had been supporting him for four whole years and paying the majority of bills. When after having a emergency cs he returned to work 3 days later as he hadn't told his new employer his wife was pregnant and due to give birth. When he refused to let me settle my son and I was scared he would hurt me or my son. I hate him so much and I will be leaving as soon as my son starts nursery school and I can get a job and support us both ( not long to go now)

When he called me a bad mother at one of my happiest proudest moments.
He never apologised, but admitted months later that he purposefully said it (but didn't mean it) because the thing I was happy about didn't involve him.
The mind boggles.

Have been single 2 months now, no regrets at all. Not one.

2 years in...I realised he was a lazy arse wipe who believed his own lies. That was 23 years ago ...he has not worked one day since we separated....23 years of doing nothing !

Wow bert
Lucky escape there.
So how does he live?
Just on benefits?

With my ex, it was the week I gave birth to our DS2, at home. It was a relatively quick, easy delivery but he wanted to be at the business end, rather than hand-holding.

Then he went ahead with moving house 3 days later (from social housing to a house we were buying) This could have been put off another week or two though we couldn't really afford both the rent & the mortgage. I'd already packed up the non-essential stuff so I didn't do much other than look after baby & DS1 who was nearly 3. Ex & his brother did all the work. I found out a few days later they had binned a couple of boxes of books that I really wanted to keep, including school prizes and some that had been my grandmother's.
He went back to work the day after, leaving me alone without any family help and neighbours I didn't know. I had to take both a 4 day old baby & DS1 on the bus with me to the housing office to hand in the keys. How I got home without collapsing in a heap I really don't know.
Things rapidly went downhill from then, though he stuck it for another 12 months before deciding to go back home to his mummy complaining that I wasn't looking after him properly. I don't think he ever really realised just how absolutely knackered I was trying to look after 3 2 young children with absolutely no help.

When he wouldn't support my return in to higher education. I had just assisted him with his studies for 5 years but he wouldn't help me with a turn. I literally switched off.

hellsbellsmelons...he was on JSA for a few years then damaged his back ...while watching the TV . He has managed to fool everyone and still gets disability and has done for many many years .

Where to start! A lovely and kind man but also older and with AS.

• taking the IL side against mine when I had just given birth (and needed a rest and no visitors. Threatening to leave me then)

-going on allnighter benders. Coming home as I was breastfeeding dd2 aged 3 weeks at 8am (repeated 4 times that month)

• sleeping in his clothes then getting up to work in them x repeat to fade. Extreme self neglect in general including the wearing of a grotty plaster on his fingernail (can't be arsed to treat fingal infection)
• telling all assembled at a function , as i sat 6 months pregnant that he still hadn't finalised his divorce. That he was having babies to keep me happy.
• finding a million other things to do rather than sort the garden out /play with kids. Case in point is half built trampoline at end of garden.
• feeling slightly nauseous when being touched by him

-giving himself a black eye -having to beg him.to wear nice clothes for a family portrait

when my eldest child (his dsd) made a suicide attempt and we were offered family therapy to support her, he said 'well, she isn't my family'

The final straw was another argument where I got the blame for his ineptitude. Had tried to leave before but got sucked back in by the thought that the kids would be better off with two parents. In one split second I realised they wouldn't be. Years of looking after a third child, in a relationship without respect, without sex with a man i no longer respected or even fancied because of his behaviour. In that argument I realised I wanted him to say it was over so instead I did. I walked out that evening with the dc's and have not looked back since. Am now with someone who actually values and respects me for who I am.

When I realised he was falsely planting the seeds to claim I'd committed DV against him to all his friends, family and work colleagues... He was very devious and planned it very well. Little stories here and there , providing evidence he'd cooked up himself... It was surprisingly easy, and Many still believe it to this day. In fact, he was the one abusing me.

Many many many things including drugs, being spat at, and having my life threatened on several occasions, but the thing that finally made me leave after 15 years was the realisation that at least once a day one of us screamed at the other 'who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like that'. He was a very high conflict, angry angry man, and being with him since I was in my early twenties had turned me into someone I wasn't. I left about a week later with nothing but a suitcase of clothes, he kept everything. The house and everything in it, the dog, the car I'd paid for. I didn't have a thing other than clothes and it felt great. Looking back I feel incredibly fortunate that financially I was just able to walk away, even though it cost me thousands it was the best decision I ever made, and I started again from scratch. If I hadn't been financially independent I suspect I would still be there now. He told me months later he never thought I'd have the balls to actually leave him. Which says it all really! I remember my first shopping trip without him, stood in the biscuit aisle not knowing what biscuits to buy because they weren't 'allowed' when I lived with him as they would make me fat.

But OP whatever your reasons might be, they are good enough. Don't stay if it's making you miserable.

When his dad had been caught by the police for child sex offences and we were about to start our own family

When he accidentally trashed the house while drunk and passed out. Again. But thus time I wished he was dead.

I left soon after.

When I realised, after years of evidence to that effect, that we weren't a team. That he never had my back, so for instance if something had happened to me where I felt aggrieved and was telling him about it (e.g. his family being snide, a chance rude salesperson - whatever) he would listen to me and then just go back to what he was doing or just walk out the room without responding. He would never say "what a horrible thing to do/say" or offer any support on empathise.

I eventually realised it was every man for himself so to speak. He always played down my achievements and never made any fuss.

I probably sound like a drama queen but I mean simple things like improvements round the house and garden, promotions and so on. Never a comment or compliment - just not interested at all. Sometimes if I asked him specifically what he thought he'd come out with a criticism rather than say anything nice (maybe to put me off fishing for compliments).

It was like he just lived alongside me ifkwim but it really eroded my confidence to feel so undervalued.

I wound up in hospital overnight a few months ago, suspected heart attack. Even after the kids were at school he just kicked around at home. In the end I drove home by myself, still a bit high on morphine (though I didn't realize that at the time). He claimed I told him not to come and tried to find the text message saying that. My phone battery was so low I had kept messages to a minimum.

Meeting another guy, just a friend, who is so complimentary that I realized how desperate I am for affection, against the backdrop of his continual low level grumbling.

H stopping work but still expecting me to be chief cook and bottle washer. I was already the main bill payer.

Refusing to enter into anything but the most superficial of conversation.

Looking back over the last 15 years. And realising how many times I have questioned if I could stick with him. And realising I can't face still staying in the box any more

When he decided that two grams of coke every night was more important to him than paying the mortgage.

nick that is so like my husband... The closest I get to praise or thanks is complete indifference ... Mostly I get grumbled at. Why are you wearing that, you need to fix your hair, the peas are cold etc.