NC ex just contacted me - what to do.

[holdontoyourbutts]

Broke up with ex just after xmas, went NC around 6 weeks ago (no kids, not married no assets together) went NC as he was manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Told him when I went no contact (over email) that he is not to contact me directly. I also blocked his number/social media/email - everything. We have mutual friends so if he needed to get in contact with me if there was an emergency he could via them.

Today I received an email from him, subject was 'my name?' and the message was blank.

I checked my email settings and his email address comes under blocked senders so no idea why it landed in my inbox. This is the first time he has contacted me since I went NC.

So what do I do? I have deleted the email so it isn't staring at me in my inbox, I don't want to speak to him, in fact just today was thinking how happy I am without him in my life! I feel totally overwhelmed by this which I know sounds ridiculous as it's just an email but it's setting off a bunch of feelings right now!

Do I ask mutual friends if he has any reason to contact me, or just ignore and try and forget about it?

It is not "a bit mean" to get rid of an engagement ring that you didn't want then, and certainly don't want now.

It may make somebody in a charity shop very happy, though.

Absolutely do not return it to him though. That's what he wants: contact. Manipulative arse.

Sell the ring and donate the proceeds to a charity which helps people who are being abused.

Make the money from him work against people like him.

Just remember, he is not doing this because he loves you, he is doing it to control you. Don't let it affect you. Dump the stuff, preferably to a charity shop as people have suggested

That is the exact reaction he wanted, do not let him get into your head again, you are strong ok , you can do it

Don't dump the letter. You might need it for evidence.

When you went NC, did you tell Jim not to contact you? What did you say about that? For instance, if it was anything like "if you contact me again, I'll take it as harassment/ call the police..." you should follow through on that right now. Even if you weren't that specific, as long as you told him any communication would be unwelcome, what he's doing is at least on the spectrum of harassment.

Look up the definition of harassment, but what struck me is that you're so upset now!

I mean, just listen to you! You're all tied up in knots and your hard-won confidence is shattered.

Don't let him get away with this.

Take the whole lot to a charity shop tomorrow and then forget about him.

Tbh you left the door open for him when you told him he could get in touch via friends if there was an emergency. With no children, joint property or debts I can't imagine any kind of emergency that would require him to contact you. Don't make the same mistake again, in fact specifically tell your friends that you categorically don't want to hear from him or about him ever again.

It's a shame you had to take the bag in, because if he had a twisted mindset might make him think that you've now kept the ring, and then use that against you, if you don't respond to this attention seeking exercise. (I know, but I too have a ridiculous ex who never ceases to surprise me with twattery)

But returning it now will only give him attention which he's seeking. And it's best not to do that as you will be pulled in again.

I like the idea of just handing over the bag to a charity shop if they can get something of value out of it.

Hope you're ok OP.
Please don't look back. You don't owe him anything. Repeat. You don't owe him anything.
Charity shop is a great idea. Clean slate.

We have a Women's Aid charity shop here. If you have one near you that would be a very fitting place to take the bag.

Stay strong OP - I'm in a really similar position - weirdly had contact today too (first time in 6months) and was really shaken.

When someone's done a proper number on you - emotional abuse is the ultimate in invasion remember - it's so hard to not let it creep in again. But as one of the others has just said, he's not being nice/lovely/apologetic/romantic/loving - HE'S TRYING TO CONTROL YOU AGAIN.

Charity shop is a great idea - but too emotional for me... the dump is the only way. Whatever works for you tho. Just get rid and stay strong.
Don't allow him any more headspace lovely x

You have said he "was" emotionally abusive and manipulative - well guess what, he still is. that juvenile stunt with bringing the bag of stuff & the letter is just gagworthy, frankly. How can you respect a dumpy little git who six months later can't think of any more mature or interesting way to approach you, than that?

Bin him out of your life. Move on. You can do better.

Thanks all. Am feeling much calmer this morning.

As to why I took the bag in, my housemate answered the door after he said he had a bag to drop off. In hindsight we should have told him to just leave, but taking it to get rid of him seemed like the best option in the heat of the moment. If he comes around again and doesn't leave we'll call the police - we have a peep hole type thing so can see who is at the door.

Thanks again for your help. Everyone is right about the manipulative behaviour, shocking thing is whilst I'm the relationship this kind of thing I found quite normal, now I'm from a distance I see how bad it was. Good thing is I know the red flags now and I have a great support network.

A few people mentioned WA. I'm going to donate some money to them and throw away the stuff. Thanks again all.