He's changed in 2 months?

[Sceptics]

Met a guy on OLD, lovely, wanted the same things as me and things are going really well.

He was very keen at the beginning to the point where I had to tell him to slow down because he wanted it to move on very fast.

We've met 6 times since then and it's like he's a different person than he was when we first started talking, he's gone from being overly keen to being extremely vague and emotionless.

Every time I try to talk about it he makes me feel small, dismisses my concerns and cuts it off very quickly.

Personality, looks, wants, likes and dislikes are everything I've been looking for but this is bothering me for some reason and I don't know what to do about it if anything, I do overthink things so perhaps I'm being silly, am I right to feel this way?

A man moving too fast at the start: red flag
A man getting arsey when you said "too fast": red flag

Can I assume the moving too fast was him wanting to sleep with you immediately? Well that's what I am assuming, if I'm wrong feel free to correct me. You have seen him 6 times, you have every right to feel the way you do. He's all sulky now? He doesn't sound like very much fun. He sounds like an asshole. Either you've slept with him by now and he's doing the whole 180degree about-face to keep you on your toes, or you haven't slept with him yet and he's sulking. Either way he's an asshole. He makes you feel small. I don't like that. Neither should you.

All anyone has is their instincts, listen to yourself and they will protect you. If you're feeling uneasy in any way, slow down.

Out of interest, at what point did you go to bed with him ?

Thank you for your replies, it's given me a lot to think about.

Just to clarify a few things I'm not saying that he's changed himself completely as I know it's still very early days for me to know him well enough to make that judgement, what has changed is his actions and him being keen on me, I'm not the type of person who needs someone to tell me how they feel all the time but it went from every single day him saying how happy he was, compliments, talking about a future (that's when I told him to slow down) to now nothing, I'm always the one to make the effort now with nothing in return.

I slept with him on the 2nd date, I know that it frowned upon but it felt right at the time, perhaps that was an error on my part.

I don't agree that sleeping with him so soon should necessarily make a difference. That seems a bit victim blamey to me.

A dick head is a dick head that would have showed his true colours whether you dropped your knickers within 5 minutes or 5 years.

OP I've had a couple of boyfriends in the past who did this - came on really strong at the start, seemed very keen on me, then for no apparent reason they seemed to back off. I'm not sure why some people do this, but I suspect they just get caught up in the moment (new person, sex, all very exciting etc) and express their feelings accordingly. Then when things settle down a bit they calm down.

In my case, on both occasions, they came on strong, scared themselves, backed off and dumped me. However, that was probably because I tried to mirror their initial keenness and then when they cooled down my keenness was too much for them. I've learned a lot since then!

OP you could either dump this man for being an arse. Or if you like him you could just see how things go, and act normal.

I think you've gone from potentially 'the one' to the filler until the 'the one' is found.
Honestly, I think you should dump him.
People that play hot and cold are never a good bet.
I wouldn't give him another 3 months. Rip the plaster off now, it'll hurt less.

It's nothing to do with sex. He's a future faker. Watch out for people who profess feelings they can't possibly have and come on stronger than is reasonable.

OP - my advice would be: tell him directly that you are going to end the relationship unless he tells you why he is being so distant / sulky etc.

If he does genuinely want to carry on seeing you, he will start talking. If he doesn't, walk away.

I used to do a lot of OLD years ago pre-DP and my instincts tell me that this guy has either met someone else, or he doesn't think you two are compatible. I think 2-3 months is a key time in a couple starting to decide whether they are right for each other - I had a lot of budding relationships flounder at this stage.

On the plus side, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Let us know how you get on? X

TBH? I'd just run from this one.

He started off too keen, now he's backed RIGHT off and is making you do the running instead. Both red flags.
He's dismissive and makes you feel small - red flag.
He's doing everything to his own schedule and preference and not yours - amber flag at least (selfish fucker rather than anything else).

I don't really think he's worth carrying on with.

When you said you slept with him on the 2nd date (not judging you, I've done the same a few times), did he change after you slept together? Was he very keen before you did the deed? This happened to me a few times and I think subconsciously I stuck with them as I wanted to justify having sex so early IYSWIM. Basically I didn't want to feel used (although I had been )

The other posters have got a point about it being too soon to discuss your future with him at this stage but do you enjoy being with him? Do you think you get along well?

The reason I ask about when you first slept together is not to be judgey-pants, it's because I know some guys partic OLD ones do tend to chase until they get a shag and see it as a challenge, with very little intention of pursuing a relationship afterwards.
If his behaviour changed after you slept together then it's a useful indication he's one of those and probably it's best to move on.
But then, if you're not enjoying it and you're becoming preoccupied by wondering about his intentions and behaviour then it's probably not worth it anyway, as others have already said.

Another example of how he is is that we were meant to see each other this weekend but it's my friends birthday, he didn't say that he didn't want me to go but I could tell that he wasn't happy about me choosing to go rather than seeing him as he has seriously backed off since then.

We do get on when we are with each other, we laugh the majority of the time however he can come across as disinterested in being with me sometimes, not talking and just in his own world, he makes me feel like I'm moaning at him if I ask if he's okay as he shuts me down quickly and goes back to not talking.

If I didn't have this doubt that he wasn't being his true self in the beginning I would happily just take it as it is and see where it goes, it's the doubt and little things that keep propping up that is making me think about whether I'm being strung along falsely and ultimately I don't want to be hurt again.

He didn't change straight after we had slept together, it was after the 3rd date that he became distant and started changing the way he expressed himself.

Life's too short for this shit.

I know it sucks and we've all been there. Personally I quite enjoy sending the 'I like you but you're too confusing so I can't be arsed' message. It probably makes me look odd but it makes me feel better.

Dump and move on
Life is too short!

You say he comes across as disinterested and you say you have your doubts - I think these are red flags, especially so early into a relationship.

Ultimately it is your decision whether to leave him or not, but at the very least I would be taking a huge step back, take it slowly and let him get in touch with you to instigate dates etc. See how you go.

When you said you couldn't see him as it was your friend's birthday, did you suggest another date / time to meet up instead? Maybe he thought you were brushing him off? Can't blame you if you were.

Being punished with sulky treatment for seeing your friends instead of him isn't a great sign.

Dear god, bin him. Life is WAY too short for this kind of mind fucking.

Have a look at the dating thread 105. Lots of useful advice.

It's common for men to 'reel' women in as ptumbi pointed out, then slow down or even 'ghost' and disappear. It's the fun of the chase!

I think he has control issues and, if it were me, I'd slowly back away.

6 dates in!
6 dates!!!!!!!
Would you listen to yourself? Grow a pair of ovaries and some self esteem and bin this guy off. Having a boyfriend is not obligatory.

He's showing you who he is at the very least, and you are running after him.

STOP!

Bin him today.

You have met him half a dozen times and he's having a silk about you going out with friends?

There are a million reasons why you need to dump him, but number one is that he's not making you happy.

He will fuck you up if you don't end this. Mark our words.

Silk - sulk..

This relationship isn't making you a happy confident version of yourself, which a good relationship does.

It's making you second-guess yourself and your previous actions, blaming yourself, thinking that you'll just carry on with him and not raise what's worrying you... None of these are good. In fact, they're all red flags.

Either he's a dick who's treating you mean to keep you on your toes (aka making you feel insecure and needy so you're grateful for crumbs of affection when he throws them your way) or he's just not that into you anymore. It happens.

Either way, it's not healthy for you so best to end it and move on.

LadyStark - I salute you!

And I heart AF. You made me laugh!

The gods on MN Olympus have spoken.

During one of my recent dating farragos I posted it on here and got cheerleaded by AF and others as I dumped his lying arse. I said I would have a bracelet made with 'WWAFD' (what would anyfucker do) to wear in dating scenarios forever more!