Was I unreasonable for telling DP that I didn't want another child by him?

[Arielthemermaid285]

Hey all;

So DP and I had a bit of an argument this morning; he said he was thinking about is having another child; that his getting old and all his friends are now having babies. I immediately got angry and said all sorts to him. But first let me give you a back story.

So DP and I had our first DS really young; I was 16 and he was 17. DS is now 6. I lived with DP since DS was 2; but because he was so unreasonable to live with and there was so many arguments; I left when DS was 4; now live with family and would not consider living with DP again until I see he has changed.

I had another unplanned pregnancy a few months ago and sadly decided to terminate: which I'm slowly coming to terms with; I remember when DP was with me in the clinic and said out loudly "you better get rid of it!"; "you better".

So this morning; DP was saying that he was getting broody and wanted another child yadayada, like I said above. I immediately got angry and said "well you had another one, but you didn't want it!"; and he was like yeah but that was a couple of months ago; I've changed my mind from then; I then proceeded to tell him that " I won't even consider having another child with him till he properly looks after the child he already has!". That " I buy DS clothes; his shoes; his therapy fees; I take him to school and back; I buy his food; you don't even do that; so why the hell would I consider having another child by you".

To be fair; DP has no job; well he has a weekend job but he doesn't get very much at all.

DP then replied that once he gets back on his feet; he currently has issues with housing; then he'll look after DS properly. I replied "No; it doesn't work like that; I had DS at 16 and my life wasn't really sorted out at all and it was a struggle; but I still juggled to do my GCSE's, A levels and degree while looking after DS and providing for him". I then continued that " loads of parents go through struggles but they still have to be responsible for their kids".

DP then proceeded to get angry and said " you don't want another child by me; I tried to be nice to you; I'm going to keep my options open and have a baby with someone else ".

So I now I feel really guilty; was AIBU?

What a shame you have spent all your adult life with this idiot. Cut your losses. You can do better.

Please kick this total loser to the kerb. I'm sure the ladies will be queuing up to get sprogged up by a 23-year-old unemployed low-life who already has a son he doesn't pay for.

You did the right thing. Your son is 6 and you have raised him while continuing your education, and with what sounds like very little support.
Now is the time for you to look toward making a brighter future for you and your son, to look at establishing a career that will improve your life and living standards for both of you and this man wants to shackle you down with another child barely months after encouraging you to terminate his previous one.
It will be almost impossible to develop any meaningful career while trying to juggle solo care of not only a child but a new baby, not to mention the financial costs.
You know he will leave you to do it all when he gets bored with it.He's proved that already.
What does he actually bring to your life? He doesn't do the childcare, he doesn't financially contribute, he doesn't even help in the home seen as you don't live together. Does he just want you on tap for sex when he feels like it? I just dont see what he offers you apart from familiarity
Did you recently get your degree? Is he worried that you will go on to have a better life and leave him behind so he wants to tie you down with another child.
Don't let him drag you down.

What an insensitive arsehole! Pressurises you into an abortion and then a few months later demands you try for a baby, because all his friends are having babies (one of the most childish, immature reasons I've ever heard for wanting a child)! Does he have no concern for you as a person, for what you've been through and the emotional damage he's caused?

You were NOT being harsh, if anything you were extremely restrained. This man is selfish, he does nothing for your existing child, only works weekends and all the while your doing everything as a parent.

Tell him to piss off and have a baby with someone else if he wants.

Don't tell me you are still having sex with this waste of time and space.

You have a degree, you're young, you support yourself and your DS. Why are you even dating this waste of space? A man with no home, and no job, who can't support his child? A man you can't even live with because he is so awful? These aren't the actions of a man who loves you. A man who loves you would want to contribute to, and support the family unit. I think you have outgrown each other. You have options and you have worked hard to provide a great future for your son. You deserve the best, not some lazy scrounger.

He wants, he wants, he wants...

How about what you want and what your DC wants, OP? Do you want this boy (sorry, I can't call him a man... because his behaviour and attitude towards your DC alone shows that he's not mature enough to even be a father to one DC, let alone another...) to continue to treat your DC as though he's worthless? To see you, his mother, being treated like you're nothing more than an incubator for this boy's selfish, immature breeding whim?

All of his friends are having babies, so he wants another one?! He has a child already. He could have had another, except he didn't want one, but it's okay, isn't it? Because now he's changed his mind...

Honestly, OP, I don't say this lightly. But you and your DC deserve better than anything this boy can give to you (although he won't, he'll simply take until you have nothing more to give... then he'll move on to the next woman and take all that she has to give...).

Why do even exchange the time of day with a man so vile you don't even live with him yet still you have sex with him and had an abortion at his say-so? This isn't a relationship, it's an unfortunate encounter with a jobless loser you had many years ago and haven't broken off yet.

OP

I just reread your post again. I note that he's the one who is going to keep his options open to have a child with someone else.

My apologies I thought you said that to him.

Well good luck to the girl who has a kid with an unemployed fella living at home, who can't support the child he already has. Such a catch eh.

BTW - I commend you for doing GCSEs, A levels and a degree with a little one. You did fantastic and I think you've outgrown this relationship.

I'm pretty sure you can do way better than him. He sounds really silly TBH.

How is he 'getting old' at the age of 23?!

Oh wow! Didn't get a chance to re-read this thread. But thanks everyone for your advice.

I had the termination 6 months ago; I really do not want to be in a relationship wth DS dad anymore; but I'm afraid to actually leave him ifyswim.

This "relationship" doesn't not give me happiness at all; he was an abusive man and I don't know why I wasted all those years with him.