I broke up with my ex dp over s year ago. We were together for just over two years and lived together. There were many issues towards the end- he lied, problems with his mil, he'd turn his phone off for a day at a time when I was expecting him, and all other strange things that left my emotionally drained and exhausted. After I ended it, within two weeks I felt SO much happier to not have to deal with the emotional mind games.
For the most part, I am ok. In fact, two months after I ended it, he sent me an email apologising for what he had done. I could never be with him again but it felt better that he had acknowledged it.
But there's one thing I can't move past. He was very careful in bed... No real passion. Everything very standard. That was ok and when we did have sex I was ok with that. But j always initiated it abd he claimed he just didn't feel like it and had never been that interested in sex (was always up for a blow job though!). He never once went down on me, and the one occasion he came close, he stopped to get mouthwash. I'd never had any complaints before and I've had two other proper relationships where I would have known if there was a problem down there. It was all quote hurtful but I never questioned him and obviously never wanted to be upset over it because if he didn't want to then that's his choice.
But after I ended the relationship, I'd gone on the shared laptop to remove my documents and photos that I needed on a usb, and it was a Mac so all the previous websites sit in the background in small boxes, all of them were porn. Why would he say he didn't want sex very often if he clearly did want it?? I keep thinking it was me, and my confidence is low because of it. Why would he have done it? I just can't forget it. I've always been very loving and willing to listen etc so even if he thought sex was rubbish we could have talked about it.
Sorry, longer then I anticipated!