DH unkind to DD tonight

[Bensam335]

We are generally a happy family but there is a problem underneath. DH is easily irritated and tonight he has really upset dd 8yrs. He's done nothing but go on and on at her tonight for various things. She's been tearful due to a painful foot but that didn't put him off. He accused her of not brushing her teeth properly and proceeded to do it for her but hurt her in the process after which she was crying. I was seeing to other DC. She then tells me later that he pushed her hard and told her to grow up. This isn't how a loving dad should behave is it - or am I being over protective? I currently feel like slapping him hard across his face!

It's a subtle, sneaky occasional violence when he's annoyed/frustrated. Aggressive and a bit forceful but without it being obvious I would say.

Doesn't it make your skin crawl? Doesn't it make you want to take your daughters far, far away??

It will be hard OP, but it's the right decision.

How chilling.

Glad you're phoning.

Pushing a child and physically forcing himself on her to clean her teeth is assault, and no matter how irritating a child may be, bullying her when she is in pain is not the action of a good father. It's all very well to say tomorrow will be fine, but it won't be fine for your DD.

Thank you for your help.

You're right. In going to have to take the leap.

I would go so far as to tell him that if he can't treat his children well he can leave the house. There's no room in your house for an abusive husband or father.

If you let this slide you are telling your DD that you won't protect her when she tells you that someone has abused her.

Tomorrow all will be fine again no doubt and we'll continue as normal.
When he pushes you, you can make the choice to let it be fine tomorrow, to let it continue as normal. You are an adult.

Today he physically abused your daughter for the first time. She told you what he did. You know he did it.

Will you make her pretend it is all normal tomorrow? Will you pretend it is all normal tomorrow in front of her? Will you teach her tomorrow that his feelings matter more than hers. Will you teach her tomorrow that you will not protect her.

Tomorrow it will all be fine sweetheart as long as we all pretend nothing was done to you. Well, maybe you and I can have a chat about how daddy was wrong to do that but don't tell anyone outside the home and we must not mention it again in front of daddy and we must be nice to daddy if he is choosing to be nice to us, no matter what he has done to you. Better be on your best behaviour for a while, we don't want him getting irritated again now do we?

As someone who was emotionally and physically abused (not sexually) by stepfather (until I was far too old )and my mother did nothing , I am begging you to not tolerate this. If my DH did that (which he wouldn't dream of) he'd not be upstairs sulking. He would not be in the house at all. Re the cats, no way should he be alone with them either.

Tomorrow all will be fine again no doubt and we'll continue as normal.

I don't have any personal experience of this, but putting myself in your daughter's shoes, I find it incredibly upsetting to read.

It won't be fine 'tomorrow', because every time you brush it under the carpet, and effectively stand by this man, you're pushing your daughter further and further away.

And pretty much ensuring that you won't have any sort of meaningful relationship with her as an adult (of which there are many more years stretching ahead, than when she is a child).

Can I just jump in and point out that as things stand at the moment the op is going to be significantly more in danger if she leaves than she was before as are the children.

Running and running quickly with no professional assistance or planning is incredibly risky and only recommended when crisis is occuring.

The op would be far less at risk if she engaged the help of womans aid and childrens services as well as being in a far better position to keep her kids safe

Huh? Pretty sure most of us advised the OP to contact Women's Aid. Are you reading another thread in which everyone told the OP to leave right this second?!

It's a subtle, sneaky occasional violence when he's annoyed/frustrated. Aggressive and a bit forceful but without it being obvious I would say

He's a sneaky, devious, and underhanded fucker who will destroy your dd's confidence and set her up for abusive relationships in her adult life.

As the national helpline is frequently oversubscribed find your nearest Women's Aid service here www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and plesae make contact asap, OP.

No Emma I'm reading one where there are several recommendations to ring woman's aid smattered with a few omg that's dreadful how can you do that to you child posts.

Experance shows that usually on these threads they run for a fair few days usually start kindly then turn a bit victim blaming the start filling up with you must abandon your home and everything you know in the world right now and if you don't your a cunt and then comes the oh well she's never going to listen to anybody.

IME its often helpful to point out the safety issues prior to this as it can change the way a thread goes.

Oh and given it's his treatment of her child that's caused a breakthrough the op could well do with enlisting children's services help as it's the best way to protect the kids for future contact which he will get.

He was moody this morning (as usual after something like this). I've had a talk with a trustworthy friend at work who just listens which was a big help and I've just come off the phone to women's aid who were amazing. I'm now starting to make some plans for hopefully a better future for me and my girls. Thanks for supporting me on here xx

Well done for calling Women's Aid and talking to your friend at work. I'm really glad you're starting to make plans. Keep up the good work!

That's really good to hear OP. Good luck and you'll look back and be so glad you made that change. I wish my mother had. But she wasnt bothered. Great that you are thinking of your DDs first.