DP didn't tell me he'd book a holiday. Am I over reacting?

[Bamboo13]

DP and I have been together 18 months. We live separately with our own dc. Last year we went on holiday separately and decided we would do the same this year with our own dc (and maybe somewhere else together). We've both had quite a lot on so it was only yesterday that I mentioned something that I going to book for ds and I. I then asked what he was going to do and he said he'd already booked a week away early August. I'm fine with him going away as that's what is expected but I realised he had booked it 2 months ago and he had said nothing. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with not telling me. I'm just upset that for something quite significant he said nothing. What do you think?

I'm guilty of booking holidays for myself and not mentioning and I am married and live with DH and love him very much!!!
Nothing dodgy going on though.

Yanbu ... he's deliberately not mentioned it until now despite the fact it would have come up several times. It's quite a big thing for most people. I can't think of any reason why he'd choose not to mention it - just indicates maybe that he doesn't think it's important to share what's going on in each other's lives.

Does he have a lot of holidays or travel for work? Holidays are not always 'big news' for people. I've booked a holiday in August and don't think I've told anyone at all, just booked it and forgot about it, nothing sinister.

In fact, what can possibly be dodgy about booking a holiday with his kids, given that you'd previously agreed to holiday separately? If I got hauled over the coals for forgetting to mention a holiday I think I'd be thinking about the longevity of that relationship.

I booked a holiday last week, I couldn't wait to tell my family and friends about it
I agree with this, but I must admit that my husband is not necessarily the same. He genuinely forgets to tell me things sometimes that I would be bursting to tell someone! I agree it's weird that he didn't tell you, but I can't really think of a convincing sinister reason why he wouldn't.

This could just be different expectations, you would tell him and expect him to do the same.It doesn't have to be sinister why he didn't mention it.

Why not just raise it with him, say you would tell him but be prepared for them to think it's a non event.

If he is less communicative about stuff you may just have basic incompatibility.I would happily chat about my events during the day but dh tends to do the major headline events.

Imaybe the lesson is to ask him directly about his day in specific terms, as he did tell when asked.

It depends where he's going I think. Is it a holiday abroad? In which case it's a bigger deal and most people would be excited and mention it. However, if it's to a mate's caravan that he goes to 3 times a year, it may not have occurred to him to tell you as not such a big deal to him.

What do you think it means? If you think he deliberately kept it from you, why exactly do you think he would do that?

I might regret this but I need a mini-rant! This is not AIBU, yet half the replies are telling OP SIBU.

If posters can't come on to Relationships to explore a feeling of discomfort in their relationship without being basically told to LTB or STFU ... well, it's not a very good relationships board any more, is it?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. In particular, as another poster said, it would presumably make sense to at least let you think about arranging to be away at the same time if that would work better for you both.

Garlic, I take your point but when the op asks 'what do you think?' it is surely okay for people to say that they don't see a problem if this is an isolated incident, or that it wouldn't bother them, or that they behave like this too.

I'm not saying that this is op necessarily, but there are people out there who are tying themselves in knots over certain behaviours and I always think it must be quite reassuring to be told 'that sounds pretty normal'.

I don't think he's that into you, or else he would have told you.

I'm interested to know the theories behind why a person would do this.

My own mother spent a whole summer planning a mega holiday kind of alongside my dsis similar plans.

It was not mentioned to me in any way shape or form until a few weeks before she went.

Then there was the house move. She and i had a conversation, no mention of the house she was going to buy/had actually offered on. I overheard the facts that she had 10 days later when she way telling someone else.

Yeah I'm NC with her.

Has he booked somewhere that you've previously discussed going together or something, and didn't want to tell you in case you were upset? Or worried that you might go ahead and book the same place?

I find it a bit weird, especially when you've had holiday discussions since he booked and he still didn't mention it, so it's not as if he's just forgotten to tell you.

In isolation, it's not a LTB imo, but I would be on alert for other signs of poor communication and considering whether he was right for me.