Am i allowed to give ds my surname for his school forms etc in the future?

[juicychops]

He was registered with his dads surname. He hasn't seen him for a year and it doesn't look like he will in the future. Also, his dad's mum has also stopped seeing him so he has no relationship with any of that side of his family.
ds is 2 and will be starting pre school next year and i desperately want him to have my surname. I hate him having his dads name.

I know i cant change it without his dad's permition which i know i'l never get so am i allowed to unofficially gice him my surname?

he can ask people to call him by it, but his name on legal things like school register, passport etc will be his original one. if Dad is estranged, can't you ok it by deed poll? perhaps you could hyphen the two if it's a problem?

i cant really hyphon the 2 as his is Rose and mine is Ross so it would be a bit silly! aparently if i dont have his dad's concent, i cant change it until my ds is 16. People probably think what does one letter make a difference, but it does to me cos i want my ds to have the same name as me

even if he doesn't take any parental responsibility? does he pay maintainence?

were you married? dd had her 'fathers' name but we split when she was a couple of months old. I was told by solictor that it can be changed if he's estranged and I had no idea where he was or how to contact him (you can always lie, but I genuinely didnt know). Her name was changed.

He wanted contact 8 years later and has moaned in court about the name change but not much he can do about it seeing as its been her name for 10 years now.

I know laws are different for couples who were married or partner that has PR

When he starts secondary school you will be required to produce valid ID with proof of his name and as has been said, for passport. Having said that DH's xW got away with it somehow until the kids were 17 and applied for provisional licences. They then went back to their proper names (DH's) as they had wanted to for some time.

I didn't want to have a different name to my children, so I kept my ex husbands name. It was a lot easier than trying to get him to agree to change theirs.

If you arrange for him to be regestered under your name, but you also list his fathers name make sure that the school are 100% clear about which name you want them to use. We have had children very upset and confused when the wrong names have been used

me and ex wern't married but he's on the birth certificate. He doesn't see ds and its been a year but he only lives 5 mins up the road and works there too so he's not exactly estranged. But my solicitor told me that without his concent it cant be changed.

I want to ask for concent from him just in case, but i know he will say no so i dont want to give him the satisfaction of being able to say it

i think you can call him x ross if you want
explain the school about his name but they alway has a box for perfered name anyway

i know somebody who isnt married but calls herself by her parners/childrens surname but on her percriptions/passport is her real surname

my older son who is still under 16 has changed his surname with out any legal papers and we have his passport in his new name and they use his new name at school and at the drs etc they only people who use his original surname are the child benifits office and the tax credit people and becasue he has his passport in the new name he will beable to use it to get his driving licence etc and open bank accounts. This was done with the advice of the C.A.B. he has been using this surname for about 6 years now

Thanks maggiemay i think i might go down to citizens advice and see what they say

I changed my childrens - i just did it!

I was led to believe before, that if you can proove the usage of a name for over two years, that it is as effective as deed poll. I looked into this for DH as he as always used mother and father's surname together, but his passport has just fathers surname. When i looked into updating the passport, I'm pretty sure that there was provision for you to provide evidence of your birth identity, but then evidence (such as bank statments and employement records) of your usage of another name. DH, for example is registered on absolutely everything as the double name, apart from his passport and driving licence.

You'd need to check this of course. I looked into it years ago and never got around to making DH actually DO anything about it.

You are right in thinking that you can't change your son's name by deed poll without his father's consent, or without a court order.

To obtain an order, you make an application under the Children Act for a Specific Issue Order. You can get the form from your local county court.

Courts these days are, however, reluctant to make these orders as they consider it important that the child doesn't lose touch with the paternal part of his heritage. To succeed, you'd have to show that it would be in your son's best interest to have the same surname as you.

In cases where a child of unmarried parents' birth is registered prior to November 2003, the father does not automatically have parental rights and responsibilities.

Because your son was born in 2004, you unfortunately don't have that "get out clause".

You can certainly ask the school to register your son in your surname, but problems often arise when, eg, exam certificates are issued in the wrong name, and also of course if he gets a passport, it will be in his dad's surname which can cause problems.

You should initially ask your ex whether he would agree. If he does, then you can do a deed poll. The solicitor drafting the deed will ask for written confirmation from your ex that he consents.

Hope this helps (I'm a lawyer specialising in family law, btw).

Some useful info on the UK passport office website. here