How do I get my life back after DV?

[GretchenBeckett]

3 years ago I fled an abusive marriage with my 3 DC. It took me two years to report him to the police. Long story short he pleaded guilty to two counts of rape and one of assault by penetration. He got 6 years in prison.

I now have a council house. My children are settled and we're doing well.

I on the other hand am not doing so great. I feel frozen with fear and anxiety. Ex filmed one of the rapes and I'm terrified there's a video out there of me. I want to go to work and be who I use to be but just going out of the house is a struggle. I just about manage to take the kids to school.

I've no family or friends to support me. I have been dating a man for 2 years but I'm scared of taking it any further. I'm so lonely and just want to learn how to be me again

Hi, I didn't want to just read and run. I'm so sorry he put you through that but you've done so well to protect yourself and your DC. Would you go to your gp and ask them to refer you for counselling? I think it would really help. I was sexually assaulted when I was 15 and it wasn't till a few years later that I realised how badly it had affected me and I needed to get professional help dealing with it, I'd highly recommend it

I feel frozen with fear and anxiety

Have you had any counselling, Gretchen, and have you filed a claim with the CICA?

It's not surprising that you feel "frozen with fear and anxiety" but therapeutic input will help you to defrost, relax, and achieve your full potential in every area of your life.

Check out this website rapecrisis.org.uk/counsellingtherapeuticservices.php and make the call that will enable you to express your fears in a safe place and become the outgoing and confident woman you once were.

You're a woman of indomitable courage and in time you will come to know that you have nothing to fear except fear itself.

Look into the freedom programme. see if it's done near to you. We have a dv programme done here which is similar but it's aimed at the abuse and the signs . see if anything similar is run near to you. Good Luck:)

Wow - you've done so well to get away and also get him put away.
That takes guts and strength so well done.

Definitely contact Womens Aid.
They can put you in touch with local support services.
You can also do their Freedom Programme which will be a massive help.

Then get in touch with Rape Crisis. They can help you deal with the sexual assault. They will have experienced counsellors to help you through this bit.

Get to your GP. You are probably suffering with depression and PTSD.
You need help with this.

Ensure the police know about the filming and they can help you with getting it deleted etc...

Get all the help you can. All these people are out there to help you.
You don't have to go it alone.
Get the help you so deserve.
for you.

Thank you for your replies.

I've done 8 counselling sessions through my local rape crisis. They were good but since they've finished I seem to be deteriorating.

I just found out today that I've been allocated a mental health social worker. She's going to come to the doctors with me because I find it really hard to articulate how I'm feeling.

I dream about him every night and wake up feeling traumatised and exhausted. It's not a good way to start the day.

I'm sorry it my posts are a bit messy. I find it hard to write this down.