Suspicious search history?

[whatdoesthismean2]

Hi, I'm a new poster but I need some impartial views on something that I recently stumbled across.

I've been seeing someone I met OLD for about 7 months now and things seem to be going well. I'm a little cautious as i have a terrible history with relationships. Anyway earlier this week I went to sign into Facebook on my laptop to search for a old friend someone had reminded me of earlier in the day. The way Facebook is on my laptop is I don't sign out so it just takes me to my homepage automatically.

It seems my boyfriend had been using my laptop (I know about this and I always say he is welcome anytime) and I didn't notice immediately it took me to his account so when I went to type in the search bar his history appeared. I didn't mean to snoop but one name jumped out just by the sheer number of searches, a woman of course!

There have been about 12 over the past 3 months, the most recent being 2 weeks ago, she is not a friend and I can't see any link. Most of the searches are really late at night and there were a cluster that corresponded to when he was away with work for a week. No messages (on FB at least!) as far as I can tell.
Could this be innocent?

I don't want to confront and look like an idiot, I so want to trust him but I spent 20 miserable years with a man I found out later was always looking for "something better" and I swore I would never go there again.

Flame away I know I shouldn't have snooped!!

The difference is the liklihood of it happening!

BitOutOfPractice are you inferring I couldn't pull Gerard Butler??

You took the words out of my mouth though.

Ok but, say it did. Does that make it ok?

This happened to me a while ago. My boyf openly gave me his phone to look at a friends fb photos from a night out. I tapped on the search bar and he has been looking at his ex girlfriends new boyf - obviously snooping at her new life.

I admit that my heart did skip a beat, and I was really quite annoyed. until he pointed out that everyone does it! and he is right. we all snoop and we all love a bit of goss :)

There is every possibility that this is totally innocent. xx

TheNaze what point are you trying to make, exactly? How are you helping the OP?

OP, I do think that you need to ask him about this sooner rather than later, before your imagination runs wild. I accept that my boyfriend probably looks at his ex's profit from time to time, but I'd still get a nasty shock if I saw her all over his search history. I just don't want to know. I would try separate the action itself from how you feel about discovering it, if that makes sense. Easier said than done, I know! Try not to start punishing in your mind for things he may not have done, though.

ForestFruits12 and frieda909 Thank you for your posts, they have helped me feel better and a lot less paranoid.

I will discuss this with him, it's always good to reinforce boundaries anyway to make sure we are both on the same page.

frieda I'm just struggling to see what the difference is?

I've certainly never perved or checked out an ex on FB but, I've looked up celebs & I can't actually see there is a great deal of difference, so I'm thinking that I'd be guilty of the same

I agree with Frieda, if it is just a bit of nosey stalking, then I would rather not know. As the act itself is harmless, but the awful sicky feeling I got was horrible!

Naze I think there is a difference between looking up and ex, and looking up a celeb. my heart wouldn't skip a beat if my blokes search history showed a celeb, as he has never had true feeling and planned a future with Alesha Dixon!

You want to talk to him about it. Good idea.

1. I'd ask him outright who this woman was. Ask over a meal or something relaxing and face-to-face (but not when either of you have been drinking). "I've been meaning to ask you ... the other day I was looking at my laptop and "x" woman's name kept coming up - who is she? Look him steadily in the eyes, watch closely and listen to his response. Don't interrupt. Just let him talk. Observe his body language.

NB. If he gets aggressive / defensive you can very briefly say you were looking something up and her name kept coming up in search history (which is the truth - you weren't snooping). Don't be put off onto a different track - get straight back to who she was!

1. If he's uncomfortable or clearly lying or says something dodgy or discounts your feelings or puts the blame on you, you have your answer.

1. If its innocent then you will have a good idea about that.

1. If its a bit "off" but not terrible, then you will have something to consider as to whether you pursue this relationship anyway.

p.s. I can't imagine giving a boyfriend my laptop anyway, for my own privacy, and boundaries, as you say.