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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Grrrr! Warning - this is a rambling rant but will probably feel better for writing it down and sharing

7 replies

Soozi · 01/06/2004 17:10

Will try to keep as brief as possible. DH been working away all month - we are missing each other a lot. I am SAHM with DD1 aged 9months. For first 3 weeks didn't really get anywhere as was trying to get a new tenant for our wee flat we rent out so doing a lot of to-ing and fro-ing between the 2. Finally got it let so to get out the city and speak to some people I went a run in car with a friend one Sunday afternoon. The following Thursday went for another run in car just DD and me for a picnic about 50 miles away. On Friday went to visit DH's friend, family and some of my family. On Sunday thought I'd go and visit my parents at their caravan but my DH phoned in the morning and lost the rag saying I was travelling around too much and spending too much on petrol. We had huge argument on phone but eventually decided that I would wait until he came back later that week and we could both go and visit my parents (the Wednesday). Now he thinks he will be in too late on the Tuesday evening to be bothered going. My parents were really looking forward to me going up and are now really looking forward to us both going up.

I can see my DH's point but I just feel that life revolves round what suits him and what he wants to do. When he was home brefly for 2 days he made sure he took part in one of his hobbies. I don't mind that at all as he works hard and we all need some chill out time.

I'm just feeling a bit hard done by. I have been on my own for a month. I have been running around bringing up child, letting flat, doing all the other stuff that needs attention. Rather than staying in moping about it I try to get out the house and I feel like I'm being told how to live my life. He knew how upset I was on Sunday and it was then we agreed that we'd visit my parents on the Wednesday. I just always feel its me who makes the concessions.

This probably all sounds really trivial. Sorry

OP posts:
secur · 01/06/2004 17:14

Message withdrawn

Soozi · 01/06/2004 17:17

Petrol money is not an issue and DH renowned for his tight fistedness. He is feeling left out and I quote "its worse for him being stuck down there at work and this is just something we have to endure together" I think he would prefer if I stayed in darnibg his socks anticipating his return

OP posts:
Blu · 01/06/2004 17:18

Oooh, Soozi, I'm not surprised you're upset. It sounds as if you have been doing a great job all round, and family visits usually increase like mad once you have a child; your DH needs to recognise this. It doesn't sound as if you are exactly painting the town red and squandering all your cash! Could the probelm be that your DH is a bit jealous that you are out with DD while he feels exiled, working away?
Some calm assertive talking next time he is home? Or a whole, long day with him in charge of DD while you 'do your thing'? that should give him a tiny taste of life with a baby and how lonely it can be. Or keep a detailed diary, what you do, how you feel, as a SAHM, and let it become available to him. Anything to get him to see things a little more from your point of view. Good luck.

secur · 01/06/2004 17:20

Message withdrawn

secur · 01/06/2004 17:21

Message withdrawn

Soozi · 01/06/2004 17:28

Your dead right Blu he has only ever looked after DD for an evening at the most so only experienced the food, bathtime bed then peace (she sleeps all night bless her). He has no clue as to how hard work it is. I'm not looking for medals but just a bit of respect. another bugbear was the fact that as he had to head off at short notice I had to rush around to find a babysitter for MY work leaving do for me. Can't imagine him telling his work that he has to be back at the weekend to take over babysitting duties for one night.

OP posts:
Soozi · 01/06/2004 17:29

Forgot to mention I'm not allowed to moan on phone to him about being lonely coz he's having it tough too

OP posts:
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