How do I get my husband to bond with our baby?

[1Catherine1]

Our son is 5 months old and since he was born (and while I was pregnant) my husband has taken very little interest in him. I have returned to work this week and now for half the week my husband has our DS during the day.

When DS goes to the childminder, he gets fussy at midday when he wants to be BF and has to cope with the bottle but then gets on with it and is generally quite happy. When he is at home with my husband, according to my husband, our DS spends the day crying, refusing to eat and not sleeping. DH gets very mad by this and hates this time with our son.

This upsets me so much. I love my DS and he is the happiest, sweetest little boy. I don't know why my husband is finding it so hard to "cope". I know they need to bond - I have never stopped them, but the DH never seemed interested (even when I suggested). What can I do? How can I help them? I wish I could quit my job and go home and look after him myself but financially this isn't an option, neither is full time childcare. I am worried what effect this is going to have on my happy little boy too.

Lots of women go back to work with a breastfed baby who has a bottle during the day and breast at night. Stopping breastfeeding him won't necessarily mean he likes the bottle any more in any case.

Babies need their mum! It's a shame the system has been made so mums have to work and now the choice to stay home and nurture baby is taken.

Dad and baby will bond, but in reality, baby work is mums job, she's the maternal one! And I know people will be oh so angry with me for this!

But men hunt and gather food, women stay home and nurse children and cook, hard to take thousands of years of hard wiring out of the brain! Baby needs mum.

*with me for this!

But men hunt and gather food, women stay home and nurse children and cook, hard to take thousands of years of hard wiring out of the brain! Baby needs mum.

Not true. Without boring on about the anthropology of child rearing (although I can and will if asked) a child bonds to its primary carer. That can be mum, dad, auntie Mavis or really anyone. What's important is the bond between baby and carer. Who the carer is is less important.
And in most traditional societies, women play a large role in the hunting and gathering - they are often responsible for over 80% of the calorie needs. The protein brought back from male hunting is valuable but it's only a tiny portion of the diet. Women's contribution is much greater and more consistent - trapping small game, gathering wild foods etc. There are few set ups where women are sitting home minding the ranch while the men bring down am aurochs
There's a very good book called 'cherubs, chattels and changelings: the anthropology of childhood' which shows you just how diverse child rearing practices are across traditional societies. The western way or raising kids is actually quite unusual.

Anyway, not angry with you but it's not correct. ;)

Even in nature, it's lionesses that do the hunting not the lions.
Magic monkeys you are taking utter nonsense.
We no longer hunt for food so any childcare hypothesis based on prehistoric times will unfortunately be regarded as relevant as a woolly mammoth.

It sounds like your son is a difficult baby?

I absolutely hate the phrase "difficult" and "easy" baby.

Newsflash: babies are supposed to cry and fuss. It's not nice when they do, and its fine to find it hard to cope, but it doesn't mean they are difficult. They're just a baby.