Do you have to justify leaving someone?

[fieldofpurpleflowers]

I am "unofficially" dating the same man I've been off/on with for 3 years. We are both 26, no kids together but he has 2 he doesn't see (no DNA test, unsure they're his) or support.

I feel like shit with him 90% of the time and then there's 10% sweet. My previous ex was controlling, jealous, abusive and refused to let me leave him. He was verbally and physically violent and would not leave the house when I asked. He also cut himself and threatened suicide on social media, his friends all called me a psycho for "driving him to suicide" simply by saying I wanted to leave him as a result of his cheating, abusive behaviours etc.

This man is... different... but I feel I don't have a "right" to cut contact, and I know if I say I want to leave he will tell me I'm wrong, will pressure me for another chance, harass me on all forms of contact etc. and then guilt trip me into coming back by suddenly experiencing something traumatic.

I find it all so stressful and tiring. I know I want it to be over but it's "easier" in some ways when he isn't bombarding me with niceness. I almost feel like giving up, that he will never be out of my life.

Also I'm prone to panicking and going back, questioning my own judgement and emotions, thinking I've got it wrong. I am bipolar so know my emotions can lie to me. But I'm so unhappy and frankly he scares me. He is sexually perverse and the stuff he tries to coerce me to do is awful. I feel he wears a mask that sometimes slips... he'll be lovely and then calculatedly cruel to me, and then blame it on being in a bad mood and expect me to get over it.

He makes me feel like a nervous wreck with no confidence.

Am I "allowed" to leave? How do I?

dont respond to any communications but it may be an idea to keep a log in case he does harass or stalk and you need to build a case against him

And look up co-dependency.
You will see yourself there.
Stop trying to rescue everyone.
Rescue yourself!!!

You need no justification whatsoever, but you have lenty of justification, anyhow.

Being with him doesn't make you happy. In fact, it goes further than that and makes you miserable. No one needs to live like that. All you need to say is that the relationship is not doing you any good at all, so byesiebye.

He makes me feel like a nervous wreck with no confidence

this is a deliberate tactic to control you, he gets a kick out of having power over you, he enjoys your weakness and vulnerability, turning the charm up and down as needed to keep you under his spell

He is making you feel shit 90% of the time, he is into sexually perverse things that you are not, he has a drug habit. You are a medical student with the potential to have a great career ahead of you, you need to focus on that. Perhaps the first step is to do some soul searching, you seem to have low self esteem, ask yourself why, why are you allowing yourself to be treated in this way? You need to get away asap. Don't waste your life on a looser. There are better men out there that don't treat you like shit. I say this from experience and being in a previous nightmare relationship.