Perhaps i got it wrong and now its too late.

[spaniellady]

Firstly i am new to this site, and i have never done anything like this before so apologies it it reads like a garbled mess.
My story is like so many others alas, so i will try to keep it brief.
I will have been married 21 years this year to a good, kind, decent, hard working man. Yes, we've had our ups and downs over the years but have managed to struggle through. As time has gone by, i now feel like our marriage is more like a friends relationship. I no longer fancy him and we have not been intimate for nearly 2 years. If i'm honest, i don't think i even want to be intimate with him again. I know that sounds terrible but its the way i feel. I do love him don't get me wrong, but is it the right kind of love? Anyway, a year ago along came the OM. We met locally at a place i was helping at temporarily. Strangely, i never looked on him initially as a romantic interest. He was just somebody i enjoyed talking to. He's 34 and single and i am 52. His marriage ended after 4 years in 2012/13. We found we had a lot in common, likes, interests. We enjoyed each others company. Long story short, we began a year long affair which ended at the end of march. He told me he loved me and wanted me to move in. He asked on several occasions, but something always held me back, a) the devastation it would cause to my husband and b)the 18 year age gap. He was also getting pressure from his family to end it.......understandably, and i knew realistically that they would never accept me although i have met his mum and we did get on. Since the break up we have spoken a couple of times and he told me that he was going to go back to internet dating as he was lonely. He asked me what i thought, so i said he should. What else could i say!.On our second meeting he said he had been chatting to 2 people. I was heartbroken but again, what could i say. I practically pushed him into it.

Anyway, i am now completely devastated as i wonder whether i have made a mistake by not following my heart rather than my head and giving us a chance. I am currently on antidepressants and feel so empty. I just want to get over him.

I feel so guilty for betraying my husband. I know he deserves so much more than i can give. He knows nothing of the affair and would be devastated if he knew of my betrayal.

I don't expect sympathy.I don't deserve it. I know i have done a terrible thing but if you have any advice for this silly lady i would appreciate it.

[MudCity]

OP, I don't think you were originally looking for romance or sex outside of your marriage...I do think you were keen to have someone to talk to and share interests with. Your emptiness and loneliness come across strongly.

Go for counselling with or without your husband and find ways of making your marriage more meaningful. Give your husband the opportunity to be the one you share things with. Be thankful he has not been told of your affair by your boyfriend's family as that could have easily happened.

Make today the start of a new and better relationship with your husband. Good luck.

[Cabrinha]

Good lord.
Surely when you cheat on your husband you should at least be sneaking around?

I was pretty fucking hurt by my husband cheating, but if I found out he'd also met her mum and "got on OK"... well...

Fucking hell. Shame on you.
Meeting his mum indeed
How the hell does that introduction even go? I like to think if I were his mum I'd say "look son, ditch the tramp - but if you're not going to, bring her to meet me once she's ended her marriage, OK?"

[TheNaze73]

You've gone about this, completely arse about face. Nobody deserves to be trapped in a lifeless, dull, sexless relationship. I get that but, you should have told your husband & not strayed. You're not too old for the OM, that is irrelevant. You are a cheat. Deal with that, end it with your husband immediately & do some real soul searching as to want & need

[SandyY2K]

So is your husband happy with no intimacy for 2 years? Surely he must know something isn't right here? Doesn't he have any desire to have sex?

Whether its this OM or another, your eyes will wander because you don't fancy your DH. So on that basis either discuss an open marriage or pull the plug on the one you have.

[Smorgasboard]

Well no, it's not ideal to be unfaithful, but then, 2 years without sex and without good reason!(ok, 1 year before OM) I've known a few people in sexless relationships, just coasting along, or so they thought, or maybe they just did not think at all.The relationships ended, no surprise there, because one party, man or woman, found someone else.
It takes 2, IMO, to ignore the elephant in the room and say nothing for years. It's a big red flag waving when intimacy has gone, and it takes a special kind of 'not bothered' to ignore it and say nothing for so long. The problem is that neither of you discussed it, so both of you were ripe for an OM/OW.
You'd gone off him, well, maybe he's gone off you too, seeing as he doesn't seem to have been moved to wonder at the lack of activities. If your kids are independent now, might as well tell him what's been going on. It may be the jolt you both need to work out where the future lies.

[Jan45]

Not ideal to be faithful? Are you serious, it's a shitty nasty horrible thing to do to the person you are supposed to love, I disagree with everything you say, if you want to shag someone else then let your poor partner off the hook first, it's not difficult, unless of course you like to destroy lives.