confused

[Psan]

I am in a relationship for 5 years now he is 54 and i am 56 Everytime we argue he locks me out of the house for days. lately he has resorted to putting chains and locks on the gate also. The fights is not even severe its about we struggle to communicate and he refuses to discuss it at all. I can only touch him if he SAYS so etc. As if i do it otherwise like hugging him he would complain he is watching TV etc. all the food i pay for well basically most things i pay for Sometimes he would ask what am i going to do to entertain him....he has never even bought me a gift. The problem here is that i am truly in love with him and i do not want to loose him as there are times he is fine. any suggestions?

Silent treatment = stonewalling abuse.
Look it up.
I'm glad you are still ignoring him.
Please block him so you aren't tempted to reply to any of his crap.
Keep writing it down. It's helping so keep doing it.
It makes me angry just reading about him!

Why do you need to talk to him at all?

I think it would be far better for you to just block him. Then when he finally deigns to lift your punishment he will realised that actually, you didn't give a fuck and HE can deal with the silence now!

If this relationship is over then you need to stop and prevent contact. There is no need for any further texting. Not your job to rescue this appalling abuser who is far from passive and weak. Rather he is extremely aggressive and weak. You've accepted 5yrs of this and should now block him from any/every avenue of contact.

If this so-called relationship is not over then it should be.

What is there to talk about ?

If someone can please tell me what i did wrong. I will explain how the silent treatment started out this time. We were watching TV i could see and sense he not himself so i sat on another chair. After an hour no talking he poured couple soft drinks for him and nothing for me. I asked could i get a cooldrink too and he said het it yourself. He never did so before. I then hot a cooldrink and silence again then i asked may i sit next to you and he said NO. I waited another hour and asked could i get a hug and he exploded jumped up and said goooooooo away you smothering me so i do not understand what i did wrong. How could i smother him i did not talk at all?

OP, I'm going to be very blunt. The ONLY thing you can do is LEAVE. And LEAVE now. There is no point coming on here and continually posing to the thread asking advice or asking what you did wrong. Because you in all probability didn't. Whether he is just clinically ill or abusive is neither here nor there. There is NOTHING you can do, and all the posting on here and naval gazing will change NOTHING.

We've more or less said this already but you choose not to listen. That is your prerogative.

I'm out.

I then got up went to bedroom to sleep but he started pushing me around yelling i mussssst go right now and pack my things as this is HIS house. I was so hurt. Then i packed all. Next day he said bring keys back too. I did but he chained the gate and told me from his stoop to fff off so i left keys his mailbox. That was it. For the zillion time.

Thanks will do so. X

I have a strong personality and I am a go getter, whereas he is extremely passive and weak

It seems to me it's you who's been "extremely passive and weak" in allowing this arrogant abnormal tosser to use you as a doormat/flunkey/personal shopper.

If you had a "strong personality" and were anything like a "go-getter" he'd have been history 5 minutes after you met him years ago but, as it is, you're scratting around looking for reasons to stay in contact with him.

this is too unstable for me he must move on

It won't take him much to "move on" as he's never been into you in any meaningful sense of the term and it's now down to you to prove to yourself and others that you're not as "unstable" as he is by blocking him and having no further contact whatsoever with him even if he begs, pleads, and promises to change his ways.

OP he is controlling you. This is abuse. This is not because of something you have done. Glad you are leaving, don't be tempted to look back. His ADD does not entitle him to abuse you physically or mentally

Stop trying to analyse what YOU did wrong.
NOTHING!
You've never done anything wrong.
The only thing you have done is allowed this total gobshite to walk all over you and put up with his abusive crap.
You are out now so stay out.
Block, delete and ignore.

You right. I fell hard for him. It was a mistake. Thank you all.

Seriously ?

You sat there like a lemon for an hour waiting for His Lordship to grant you a cuddle ?

I will never understand why some people have such a low opinion of their own worth, and place complete losers like this as some sort of higher being.

Utterly mystifying.

Nope, not buying this

I think its because i came from abused marraige. He was not like that for 3 years its just last 2 years it suddenly changed. He also said he didnt know why he is like this. I asked him to go to a dr as oerhaps its hormonal changes or so as i know half his family has been diagnosed with bipolar etc so i thought he should check it out. His daughter was also born with some brain mulfunction etc so thats reason i went back each time as i thought that is the problem but it was getting more and more often these episodes. He would say sometimes after the SILENT TREATMENT he wanted me to leave as he didnt want to hurt me and its like he hasnt control. So i stood it out but it was draining me tremendously. As this type of episodes started occurring more frequently and half of the times he cant recall. What i picked up was as soon as he is ok in weeks he is like total different person full of joy etc. And as soon as there any sign of stress wherever he change from a high to a low. But then i no doctor etc i cant deal with it anymore i just cant. When it started to be more frequent he asked me for help but last 2years he resorted to silent treatment i also noriced when he is like this he has rashes all over and a fever fir days.

Sorry for typpos i typing on phone. Anyway when he is like this he also talks strange. Its like he is talking to a robot. Still its noooo excuse there plenty help he refuses. Then i must go. I was married for 35years i cant be in another bad situation its not good. But it really helps to just let it all out. I made a mistake to date this guy i know that and i will not do so again. Its not my job to get him fixed. And his behavor is not acceptable at all.

Psan you are being sensible even although it's hard for all involved, hope you are ok

Its not my job to get him fixed. And his behavor is not acceptable at all

Whenever you feel yourself waver, repeat your above words 10 times and know that by staying away from him you cannot be accused of playing any part in his problems.