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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I too grumpy/snappy

2 replies

shilpafan · 17/01/2007 23:07

I was re-living a conversation between me and my DP to a friend today and she commented that I seem very quicky tempered and snappy, I don't think I am but I wondered what you might think.

Basically me and DP were in the kitchen, he doesnt live here at the moment as we havnt been together that long. He comments that the cooker is still clean since the last time he saw it he said it in a jokey way but I still sorta took offence.

Anyway I was washing up and he said "I cant believe you dont rinse the plates after washing them". so trying to remain calm I said "well we all do things differently..." so he said "yeah, some of us do them properly". Again he said it in a jokey way but also sarcastic. I got snappy at this point and said "yeah, some of us just get our mothers to do everything for us..." (he still lives with his mum and she does everything). I didnt say it in a particular nasty way but it was meant to shut him up (which it did!) but Im starting to wonder if maybe I did go a bit too far?

was it too nasty? he went very quiet.

OP posts:
maycontainstress · 18/01/2007 09:37

Hmm, you sound a bit like me to be honest! My dp doesn't live with us either but we've been together for a year now. In the early days I would leap on the defensive at anything h+e said and it caused a row, but to be fair he was very insensitive and picky. I wasn't used to being observed/criticised after being on my own with the dc for so long.

In the end we had a long talk and did the 'everyone's different' conversation. I asked him to keep his 'I'm better than you at doing that' thoughts to himself and I'd do the same.

It worked for us!

Good luck.

DimpledThighs · 18/01/2007 10:11

I think your friend was wrong.

Sounds like he was being picky and looking to anger you by criticising what you do.

Tell him if he wants to come over and cook or wash up fine, but if he is not doing it he can keep his mouth shut.

You are looking after children FFS!

p.s. I never rinsed plates, DP used to comment until I told him if he didn't like it he could wash up. He never mentioned it again.

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