Anyone else reach early thirties and think a family would never happen for them? I'm feeling down and would like to hear any happy stories where it all came together...

[lauren42]

I've had two 'big' relationships in the sense of seeing a future of marriage and kids, and we lived together. Neither worked out for usual reasons (uni relationship where we grew apart, and another due to distance). I'm glad I didn't marry these people with hindsight!

I've always wanted a family. Nearly all my friends are now married and many have kids, and there's only one other who isn't in a relationship. I don't want to settle and my mum tells me im too picky...I don't think that I am, I just want to really click with someone and that level of connection is really important to me... more than initial physical attraction.

I do date, and i've had phases of seeing people, a few months here and there but I lose interest and end it.

I feel very lonely. I'm busy all the time and I am happy with my life, but I miss the closeness that comes with a relationship.

I've almost accepted that maybe this just won't happen for me, unless I just try harder with someone and don't end it even if i lose interest. Maybe I am too picky. Having a family and a husband and building a life with someone is so important to me and always has been, yet I've reached this age and pretty much done everything alone.

Any stories where things changed rapidly and unexpectedly?

And yes, get into activities where single people in their 30s hang out, in mixed groups, having fun. Not just dating-specific things.

Ha ha .... Just putting the kids to bed and had a lighthearted conversation with DH about how of we didn't have kids we'd probably be on a cruise now, having copious amounts of sex and alcohol!!!

We have just spent forever in A&E with DS6 who is disabled with a sore foot.... He can't talk do can't say what's happened... Before we went we touched it and it hurt that much he had a seizure!!!

...... Anyway we got together at 23 & 21, married at 29 & 27 and had eldest DS that year. DS6 came exactly 2 years later and DD5 came 20 months later......

I had pretty much given up hope. Then suddenly I met DH randomly on a night out when I was 32. Life changed instantly. Engaged by 33. Married at 34 and DS born at 35. Don't give up hope, it'll happen when you least expect it. In the meantime just live life to the full.

My friend moved in with her boyfriend of nearly 2 years at 41, and then they had a baby. She's currently ttc a second child at 43.

I know quite a few women in their 40s who wanted a long term relationship and DC but didn't meet anyone. And a couple who had DC alone using sperm donation, which is always an option!

Loved your post just as much ricekrispietreats

After years of therapy and Internet date met my do at 35. First baby at 38 and second at 39. Had come to terms with not having a family but completely happy with my life now.

Yes and now I am late 30s and in the same position. I will be single for life and miserable and damned.

My sister didn't meet her DH until she was 36 (no previous serious relationships -single for a long time) they married and she had children at age 39 and 43.

You have time on your side :)

SoThatHappened, if you feel able to, please share your reasons for your view, you sound despairing love, I cannot believe this is true. Only that I felt exactly the same way when I was in my late 30's, and now from a later perspective I have much more empathy for myself than I did then. If you feel you want to talk please elaborate. I would like to hear your story. If not then love to you anyway

Ive only had 6 boyfriends in my life time and 4 of those have cheated. I just get used until they find something better. I am just the one they dump their shit on.

In the last 4 years I have had everything go wrong in my life. Relationships, work, health, family, the lot. I am sick and I am tired of it.

Now who wants someone in their late 30s.....

I'd had just one boyfriend, a few flings by the age 37. I'd never seen myself with a family, I just thought I'd never get that lucky. So I pretended I never wanted one so I would not be pitied.

I'd see all these woman and wonder how they loved somebody who loved them back too, it seemed so out of reach (I got hurt so many times by using men).

I was buying a flat and my mum had died so I just recall thinking, she wanted me to be happy so I'm going to concentrate on being happy and not think about men, family, babies, just be happy because I deserve it.

And then I met DP. Still wasn't that bothered and finished with him once till he persuaded me to give 'us' a go.

Pregnant at 40 and again at 43.

I still look at them and wonder.

DW was dumped from an LTR at 28, and I'd been engaged in random joyless ONSs for 10 years. We met in a noisy bar on holiday, and 27 years later we have a joyful lunatic at uni.

I was 31 and had been single after a long term relationship for about 8 months when I met DH.

My last relationship had been a waste of my time really and I should have ended it sooner.

I always assumed I'd end up on my own with no children, I never seemed to meet anyone despite my friends seeming to fall into new relationships almost immediately.

Then it happened, I went on a night out (that I really wasn't looking forward to) and met DH.

You're only in your early 30s - you are hardly over the hill! I know you want a family but there is no cause for all the drama.

My best friend met her husband at 38, got pregnant accidentally at 40, married at 42 and is happy with husband, kid, house now.

I have another friend who bought herself a holiday home (already had the apartment) when she was 39. her dad cried and said "you'll never get married now". By 42 she was married with a child - they use the holiday home for big extended family get togethers.

you are way to young to give up on what you want.

At 30, incredibly, apparently permanently single, and miserable about it. Tried online dating, small ads, forcing myself out. I am naturally shy around men and not very attractive and it all felt impossible.

At 31 an old friend left his (what had secretly been a hideous) marriage and subsequently we got together. Now 39 and married with three children. I would never have thought it.

Came out of a disasterous and abusive relationship and about 6 months later met DP (I was 38). We got together properly a few months later and then I discovered I was pregnant a couple of weeks before my 40th birthday. We had DD when we were both 40.

None of it was planned or expected but life has a funny way of surprising you.

I was in a relationship before this for 10 years and like you thought it would never happen for me.... But I met DP at 33 we moved in together 6 months later, I got pregnant when I was 35 am now 36 and my little one is 4 months and I couldn't be happier!

I got married at 31, had separated before I was 33. Thought it would be relatively easy meeting someone else afterwards, that men in their 30s would be past the playing games stage and everyone would be straight forward and honest. Not the case - was messed around, treated like a mug and generally shat on to the point were I was more broken than I was after my marriage break up.
Then just before I was 35, I met my now partner. Completely different relationship to what I've had in the past. No games, no dramas, no screaming rows. Am never sick of his company and still look forward to coming home every day. Am 38 now. Wedding booked for next year and baby on the way. Worth all the heartache that came before

I'm 41, I've never had a decent long-term relationship, no kids, and now feel pretty much undateable. Not a good feeling. My life isn't awful, but God, I'd love the kind of happy supportive relationship so many people here seem to have. Don't think it's even the tiniest possibility for me

Met DH at 35 after many years of being single. Within 5 years we were married with 2 kids. All good. But look back and wish i hasn't spent so much time agonising about whether it was going to happen or not. Waste of time either way!

Early 30s? I decided no family for me thanks, by the time I was 15! Happy with not too serious boyfriends and then wham! Got married at 38, dd born when I was 41.

You have years!!

I swore to a life of singledom after loads of crappy relationships. I was in my late twenties. Then, a friend of mine became interested and I told him I wasn't, he pushed and pushed for something to happen and it did. We fell pregnant very quickly (we were being careful too!) and after a few ups and downs, we are still together and have beautiful children together. I never fancied my 'friend' and refused to date him after countless people suggested I should. Turns out he was my Mr Right all along. Expect the unexpected!