Sorry in advance this is most likely to be long winded.
I used to have a very very good relationship with my Mum. She would look after our children 2-3 days a week while I worked full time. If I didn't see her in a day we would call each other.
3 ish years ago DH and I decided we were going to emigrate (rent in Germany). We went to my parents to tell them of our decision. The plan then changed due parents needing to sell their house and wasn't going to be left with enough capital to buy in the UK. Long story short, parents would buy a house (specifically a 2 generation house, very common here) which suited both our needs. DH and I would pay household bills. The house in my inheritance.
So 2 years ago, we came house hunting, we found a house but it didn't meet mine and DH's needs. In the long run it could do, but even in the short term it wasn't good. My parents really wanted the house, and promised that certain things would be done within 2 or 3 months to make it livable. I took them at their word and agreed we would go for this house.
It's hard to explain, the house is 4 story's in total. Cellar, ground floor, 1st floor and 2nd floor which is only part converted. Mum has the cellar and ground floor. The only entrance is on the ground floor. The 1st floor is sort of split in two. There are 2 bedrooms off the landing, and a partition with a door, behind this door is our living room, kitchen, bathroom and one bedroom. This is what we have to live in. The children hate the door and both have expressed feeling isolated being in either of the 2 bedrooms. Last week, I single handily finished installing a kitchen (a gift from my Uncle), we have had work benches and no cupboards for 2 years, Mum actually had a tantrum because it's nicer than hers. The bathroom still isn't finished and is beyond my knowledge to do it, my Dad has given up. I have decorated the living room and all the bedrooms (twice due to a reshuffle) I feel that we have put up with a lot. We had no sink anywhere for 9 months, until one was replaced in the bathroom. The bathroom is mostly covered in bin bags to try and keep it dry. I had no oven or cooking device for 6 months, until my MIL got us a travel oven thing with two hobs on top and have used that for a family of 4.
My Mum has turned into a controlling and manipulative obsessed person. She constantly nags me about paying more than what the bills are, for reasons unknown. She screams and shouts if she doesn't get her way i.e apparently the garden is my problem (despite having no direct access to it) if the grass, which is around a third of an acre, isn't cut, edges and all, we get the slamming of doors, shouting and filthy looks until it is done. They go to bed very early (9pm) and complain endlessly if we are out past that. Mum has told me several times that we can NOT! have any more children, or pets. When DH is at work she talks to me in the horrific way. She completely take the children for granted but Mum actually has a go at the children for 'ignoring' her when my in-laws are over (who the children haven't seen for months). My Mum made a huge huge fuss for my brothers 30th birthday, for mine (in Feb) I literally got nothing, in fact I got a lectre about how it's no big deal, and that when she was 30 it was no big deal, her gift to me was babysitting the night before so DH and I could go to someones housewarming party, I hadn't been out socially since the July before... which was actually a BBQ we hosted and my parents actually offended our guests so much they left.
DH has a 3 hour each way commute and is very tired. Our children are not happy, I think partly because Daddy is basically a weekend Daddy and this constant bad air in the house. We are waiting for a call on a new job for him. We're not in a position to move out due to money, and if we do, I will lose my Dad (who isn't the problem but seems like a beaten down shell of what he used to be) and DD will lose her very special relationship she has with him.
I just need a friend, I feel so bullied and low in general