Don't be sad, OP, get angry. You do deserve better and you can change things.
The atmosphere in an abusive household is completely different to the atmosphere in a supportive one. Once you see (or perhaps once you feel) the difference it's so clear. The only acceptable level of abuse is none.
I know "How it should be" can feel like a fairytale or like it's too much to expect or perhaps that even one thing on that list would be wonderful and that is because your perspective is out when you're in that situation. I know that because I was there, too. I used to wonder what made people's husbands so perfect that they would do little thoughtful things for their wives whereas mine barely seemed to know me at all. It just wasn't right.
I used to think back to an earlier relationship, which was unhealthy, but not abusive, and recall the way that my ex had once turned around in bed and accidentally hit me with his elbow, and he had laughed in a nervous, self-deprecating way and sort of said "Oh no!" at the same time and pulled me into a hug, because he cared and was sorry. I used to play it in my head on a loop and miss him, even though he was an alcoholic who slept on the floor and barely washed, even though he hurt me (emotionally) badly, I just missed that. I missed the sense of having somebody who cared, and it took me a really long time to understand that I was missing that rather than the person, but when I did it just felt lonely.
I felt lonely a lot in my abusive relationship. Again it's hard to recognise because how can you be lonely when you have this great family? But it's a lack of a real connection. A connection is what a relationship is, at its root. But abusers don't really see things that way. It's late so excuse my descent into metaphor, but in a supportive relationship it's like everyone is pulling a heavy cart on a rope and the relationship is where you join up with somebody, put both your stuff in one cart, take a rope each and the load is shared. You can believe that you're doing this in an abusive relationship but what's really happening is that the abuser isn't trying to share the load at all. For them the rope is to play tug of war. The carts are invisible and they will not and cannot be convinced that there is any other way. That's the give and take of relationships to them. Partly a game and partly a kind of war. They have an entirely different understanding of how things are, and you will never get them to see the cart, let alone the point of sharing one. You will always have this gap where you try to communicate but what each of you hears is not what the other is actually saying.
There are unhealthy relationships and there are flawed people but abuse at its root is the fundamental belief that you are just not as valid a person as he is and must be controlled, and that is why the only acceptable level of abuse is none.