So xp wants to come to round tonight, cook me dinner and see dd - what to do? need advice

[ClosetSlob]

he called, again, last night. sounded upset.

said he's missing us, hasn't done anything.. doesn't want to lose me etc etc

asked if he could come round to talk.. offered to cook me dinner. asked if he could come round ealry to see dd (he's very attached to her)

I kind of said yes but I'm worried I've made a mistake.

The thing is, I've not seen him now since Friday morning and not one thing about my life or routine has changed (except I had to put the bins out on Monday)

what would you like to happen between you?
Can he not just come round and see dd and not cook the meal for you.

I dont know the history here but from what you say it sounds like a bad idea. I think in these circumstances you have to be cruel to be kind and make a clean break (as much as you can with a child). Any kindness from you may be misinterpreted.

I would try to skip the meal and if he comes to see dd be out of the room, busy with other things etc.

Sounds like you have totally moved on.

let him see your dd but dont let him cook a meal for you, it will make him think you might be changing your mind, it's quite an intimate thing i think

I'm that bloody lazy I'd let him cook the meal

Is this all over the belt incident? I didn't read a thread where you had split Maybe if you had something to eat then had a good chat?? Do you think there's any chance of you 2 remaining friends, esp: if he's close to your dd (If you could remain friends that would be your training babysitting prob sorted)

Hi just to clarify things..

yes over the belt
he is not father to my dd

I'm not really sure what I want to happen. He did offer to sit for me last night (on more than one occassion) but I didn't think it would be fair.

Should also add, he can not cook - completely has to be forced so him offering to cook is just a massive thing (iykwim)

Did he admit he'd done something wrong? Iirc, there was more than just the belt thing wrong with your relationship, and hope of change on the other fronts?

Hmmm, it sounds like he's maybe willing to change?

he's said he will change.

he swear blind he hasn't done anything and before the belt I would have sworn that he never would have done that to me (so not sure about all this).

I've heard it all before.

If you had asked me before to name two things that he would never do staright away my answers would have been

hit me
cheat on me

and yet all this.

There are much more deep seated issues than the belt. The belt was just the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

he says he can change, I think he's really missing dd. he asked if I wanted him to stay over on Sunday to help with dd in the morning (of course I said no)

he does love her like she's his own and has done more for her than her biological loser father.

I don't know what to do.

you all know who I am, right(?) - MO'H

It is possible that the belt was something someone left in his car by accident, off their coat, or out of their bag. It's not like it was a pair of knickers.

The fact he couldn't explain it, is, in one way, somewhat reassuring, tbh. If he was up to something, if he'd done something dodgy and needed to cover it up, he'd have a story, an explanation, wouldn't he? "I have no idea where that is from" sounds like the truth, maybe.

Without the belt thing, how do you feel about him? Do you think he can change the parts of his behaviour that are bothering you?

(No, I didn't know who you are, but frankly I have the memory of a gnat, so it probably doesn't matter ...)

He'd have to change pretty much everything. I find it sad that I;ve not seen him since Friday morning and not one thing (aside from the rubbish) has changed!!!

I want to be looked after.

I'm starting to go off the idea of letting him come round tonight.

Message withdrawn

Oh christ, no.. he didn't hit me!!!

he'd never do that!

I'm quite pleased we live fairly seperate lives at the minute. Would have been so so much harder.

What a mess

Message withdrawn

I agree with others, let him see dd but not cook you a meal. Infact could you go out whilst he is there perhaps ?

he's not my dd's father so there's no reason for him to maintain contact really

yeah I did wonder that, if he might be using her to get at me.