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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I tell my parents...

14 replies

GaynorGoodwin · 28/05/2016 21:04

Or leave my daughter to do it?

My 16 year old daughter is gay and told me and my husband two years ago. She's now told three of her closest friends at school. I've never mentioned it to my parents but wonder if I should? My mum and dad are in their early 70's and I'm not sure of what their reaction will be? Advice welcome, thanks.

OP posts:
hesterton · 28/05/2016 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greebstreebling · 28/05/2016 21:06

Definitely let her do it

Eeeek686 · 28/05/2016 21:08

Would you 'tell' them if she was heterosexual? Hmm

It's a non news item, IMO; I mean does she even have a serious partner at present?? If/when they realise (not 'find out ' ffs) and they're negative or damning about it is the time to act. by telling them how bloody ridiculous, selfish and bigotted they are

Original poster
GaynorGoodwin · 28/05/2016 21:11

She's not that close to either of them but does have a good relationship with her grandparents.

OP posts:
DailyMailYobos · 28/05/2016 21:11

It is up to your dd to decide. If or when she decides to tell them, you could offer to go with her for support.

BonitaFangita · 28/05/2016 21:11

Absolutely agree with Hesterton and Greebs, her relationship with her grandparents is total separate to you. She'll tell them when she's good and ready and their age doesn't necessarily mean they'll react badly.

Original poster
GaynorGoodwin · 28/05/2016 21:15

i am very close to my mum and we have an excellent relationship and I kind of feel guilty for knowing something that she doesn't about her granddaughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
GaynorGoodwin · 28/05/2016 21:17

i see my mum in the day when my daughter is at school so kind of feel like I'm withholding information as we talk about most things.

OP posts:
Eeeek686 · 28/05/2016 21:19

Ok op that makes more sense, guessing you think your mum will be unfazed by it.... should definitely come from your DD though!

M00nUnit · 28/05/2016 21:19

You should talk to your daughter about it and find out whether she wants to tell them herself, wants you to tell them or doesn't feel the need for them to be told at all. It's entirely up to her.

Original poster
GaynorGoodwin · 28/05/2016 21:26

Yeah we've talked loads about it and she's worried in case she upsets the grandparents and because I don't know just how my parents will react it's kinda hard for me to anticipate what their reply will be.

I suppose what I'm thinking is if I do say something, then I'll know how they feel (without my daughter being there, as she's at school) . If that makes sense. Thanks for your replies though, I just need others view points so it's appreciated.

OP posts:
OddBoots · 28/05/2016 21:33

I chatted it over with my dd and she wanted me to tell my parents, we haven't said anything to my in-laws yet, she's not sure when she wants to tell them or if she wants us to. I don't think there is a specific right way to do it, it depends what they want.

coco1810 · 28/05/2016 23:12

Personally I think it depends on what your daughter wants and how you think your parents will react. I know my parents wouldn't bat an eyelid if any of their grandkids came out. But my in laws, god no!

NerrSnerr · 29/05/2016 10:26

If your daughter wants you to tell then say something, if not then don't. The worst thing you can do is go behind her back.

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