Is this a red flag in the online dating world? I'm new to this.

[RedFlag101]

I have been talking to a man for 2 weeks, we hit it off straight away, he is the first person I've spoke to since the split from my ex many years ago as I lack in confidence.

We've spoke on the phone, text and have arranged a date for a couple of weeks time.

I must say that I like him and could see it progressing into something for both of us however I am having some reservations lately because of what he has been saying. He asked for my address, we're meeting at the restaurant so there is no reason why he would need my address, I told him that I'm not comfortable giving out my address this early as I don't know him well enough yet and he replied that he is hurt by that.

The other thing is that these last couple of days of speaking he has tried to throw sexual chat into it, asking if I want a picture of him, that he's having dirty thoughts about me and very random questions about my sexual preferences. I stop the talk from going in that direction and he just changes the subject.

Now I like him; personality, looks and sense of humour are perfect however I am sceptical as this is the first time I've spoken to a man online and the first time I've got close to someone else since my EX, I've told him some insecurities I have and he was very lovely and reassuring about those but I don't want to be hurt again so I'm wondering whether I am being too cautious and need to lighten up a bit or if I am right and how I should handle this.

Thank you.

If you do follow the excellent advice to cancel the date with this red-flag-festooned guy, then don't over share with your reasons because he's sure to come back all charming on the surface and pressure to change your mind underneath!

Just cancel in a very bland way that gives him no room for further discussion.

Okay I've cancelled, thank you for the advice.

I said that I didn't see it leading anywhere because we obviously both want different things and I was feeling uncomfortable with the way that things were progressing.

I've blocked him so I don't have to engage in an argument or anything of the sort.

I knew I would get good advice on here, I'll be more guarded next time about my insecurities and try to limit talking and meet sooner rather than later.

Glad to hear it. Onwards and upwards.

I've met a lot of guys through internet dating and I've never been asked for my address or for pictures of that nature. I don't think this is the guy for you.

This is the brilliant thing about online dating OP you can meet and talk to loads of guys and just drop anyone who shows you a red flag before you have got at all invested. As others have said, don't engage in long text discussions with anyone before meeting up - if you think they are a possible, speak on the phone and then if still interested (often I wasn't after the phone call but sometimes I was) meet up for a coffee in a public place and assess further. Any red flags, cut your losses and open a chat with a new contender! It can be a great wanker filter and I met dp on there - coming up to 9 months ago now.

Red flags in OLD world
1)doesn't appear to have read your profile 'hi' 'hello' 'how are you' openers
2) before meeting texting all the time throughout the day (especially the 'good morning') ones at 7am
3) lots of texting/chat with no talk of a date
4) tries to move on to what's app before meeting (cock-shots incoming)
5) tries to get smutty and suggestive before meeting
6) asks for personal details eg address before meeting

This is my experience....learn to use the block feature on what's app and the dating sites....please feel free to add more to this list people.

Well done for cancelling OP, you've done the right thing.

Funnychops
Agree with everything apart 4).
I have been chatting to a few men from OLD and moved to WhatsApp straight for communication . No cockshots followed .
Rubbish old fashioned view . WhatsApp is just improved texting, nothing sleazy about it.

You are right princess I realised I'd written that wrong once I'd posted. I meant to say 'when someone asks you to move on to WhatsApp too soon, within the first couple of exchanges of messages'.

I disagree with 4 as well. I often suggest moving to WhatsApp fairly early on as I hate messaging on Tinder etc.

Also, if someone has their phone number linked to their Facebook account, they will come up on your "people you may know" list. Then you can do a bit of stalking and make sure that they are who they say they are...

My phone number is NOT linked to my Facebook account for this reason. Not that I have anything to hide, I just don't want men I am chatting to seeing pics of DS etc.

Totally agree with freely using the "block" feature though. You're never under any obligation to carry on chatting with anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.

IToldYouIWasFreaky
How did you find Tinder?
I was never myself on Tinder.I met my DP online but it was a different site.
He then told me later on that although he was on Tinder ,he did not see it as dating site and had no expectations from it in regards to relationship. More of a hookup site ,he met few women off it ,younger women and had sex with them basically. One-off things..
It just stuck to my mind that maybe those women did not look for hook-ups at all...

I love Tinder! I'm not looking for hookups. I have that in my profile and I'm really clear when I chat to people that I'm looking for a relationship.
I like it because

• it's quick and easy and free to use
• only people that you match with can contact you and if you unmatch, they can't contact you or even see your profile again
• most people seem to use it in addition to other dating sites, so it's a good way of seeing all single people in your area.
• because people use it for all kinds of things (hookups, dates, relationships) they tend to be quite up front about what they want.

I've chatted to tons of people on Tinder and made some virtual "friends" through it. I had three dates with a guy recently who turned out to be a twat but not sure we can blame Tinder for that... And I have a second date with a (so far appears to be) lovely guy that I met on Tinder on Monday.

IToldYouIWasFreaky
I hope your date goes well!:)

funny that's a good list! But why are good morning texts at 7am red flags? ( got someone doing this ATM)

I just find it a bit weird, maybe it's me. It's a bit invasive. That's more like what a boyfriend would do, not a potential date who you've never met. Lots of guys do this, but personally I find it off putting, a bit desperate. Like I say, that's just me, maybe some women like it.

i think it's really tough for people who are OLD. (especially if theyre OLD and OLD, its not so bad if youre young and OLD i guess but being OLD is a pain when OLD )

there's a balance, txt too much and you seem a bit creepy and clingy, text too little and you don't care.
Ask too soon for a date, you seem too keen, don't ask for a date, you don't care.
Tries too flirt too much, they're a creep after only one thing, don't flirt at all and they're dull and don't fancy you.

etc etc.

makes me feel OLD.

Ahh I know that feeling, where you chat to someone for a while and it seems to be going great and you start fantasising about how this could really turn into something... and then the red flags creep in. But you've already spent so much time on this person and allowed yourself to think that they might be something special, so you just try to ignore them.

Well done for having the strength to nip this one in the bud and not try to make excuses for what is definitely creepy behaviour, However nice he might have seemed in the rest of his messages, no good guy will try to guilt-trip you into sharing your address before you've even met him! I met my current partner online and we chatted a lot before meeting in person, but if there was ever something I didn't feel comfortable sharing he was completely understanding of that.

Onwards and upwards!