Repeated lying

[wifeofliar]

This is such a long story and I don't know where to start. But bascially my DH (been together over 20 yrs) has been lying to me - says he does so because he thinks I'll get the wrong idea, so he does it for an easy life. I have asked him to show me the messages on his phone so that I can see there is nothing going on and he refuses. Says he's nothing to hide but it's a matter of principle. I threatened to contact the woman I know he's spent time with to find out from her what is going on and he has told me not to and if I do he will leave.

Reading this back, I am thinking what the hell am I doing with him. But I love him dearly and can't imagine life without him. He has also been suffering from mental health problems and is very fragile at the moment. I am surviving on very little sleep at the moment and do not feel strong enough to handle this. I really don't know what to do.

I've been using other usernames since this thread, but have come back to this one as I just wanted to update

A whole lot has happened since May last year and I am now almost divorced. I am also in a much better place mentally.

Regarding this particular woman, I have just recently found out that she split from her partner in Summer 2015, no prizes for guessing who was implicated in that split...I don't know if she knew/knows that he was married.

Anyhow, just wanted to thank everyone who gave me their thoughts at the time - I did re-read them many times and they helped me to be brave and sort myself out

good for you OP ! what a brilliant update
hopefully some other posters who find themselves in the position you were last year will also benefit from your news

OP I'm glad you have found peace and moving forward with your life x

Well done OP and thanks for updating.
You are sounding strong and you are moving forward.
Keep going!

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's a terrible pain, been there myself recently. He is being very cruel and you absolutely need to get tough and stand up for yourself. If you don't - it will get worse. You have drifted into low self-esteem and dependancy and he is using that. Of course he is having an affair and taking advantage of your love. This is no way to live. I loved my partner to pieces and was with him 20 years, but there comes a point when you have to look after yourself first and all everything will follow. Best of luck and hugs. And don't pick up that bottle!