I'm so confused & tearful!

[monkeynutsandjam]

I hope this is going to be clear.
My head is so frazzled I don't know if it's just me going a bit mad.
Been with DP for two years. Bit rocky. Broke it off for a few weeks at one point. His ex accused him of EA a few years back which he denies.
I love him & things have been really good til a few months ago.
I can't explain it but suddenly I don't trust him as much & actually feel physically uncomfortable around him. It's like he's hiding something...
I miss him when we're not together but when he's with me I don't want him touching me & I feel on edge & almost angry. He stayed over last night & this morning I just wanted him to go. I rang him earlier, came off the phone & burst into tears.
I have a very crisis-led job, a young child & good friends. When I'm not with him I feel like me & confident but lately if I'm with him, I feel so emotional...
If this resonates with anyone, please please let me know! I'm so confused & it's making me doubt myself & my mental health.....

OP, didn't want to read & run. Read this yesterday on Mn. Maybe worth using it in your analysis of your relationship with him?

before you diagnose yourself with mental health problems, first check you are not surrounded by twats"

Never ignore your gut, OP. It's telling you something, listen to it. Can you identify anything that happened to make you feel this level of discomfort around him? How has his behaviour towards you been? Has he noticed your reaction to him and if he has, what has he said? Sorry for all the questions, but as much as I have faith in intuition, I also think something may have started the bells ringing for you.

Also, I've never put much store in second-hand stories, but in this instance, I'd be putting more than a little credence in what his ex said. Mind yourself.

Thanks both
Yoksha, love this

before you diagnose yourself with mental health problems, first check you are not surrounded by twats"*

So, doesn't seem to be triggered by anything, that's what is weird
But it's like I just don't want him near me.... And I get these waves of anger & anxiety when he's at my house. Had a massive angry meltdown this morn which I put down to tiredness but as soon as he left I felt fine again.... Everyone thinks he's amazing which is why I think it must be me....

And more recently I feel like I'm not good enough for him & even doubting of his friends & family really like me.
He is a doctor & ticks every box that I don't... He has no dependants & has loads of freedom & sleep.
I don't. I feel like I'm starting to resent his lifestyle too. Is it me I wonder?
I never stop, I'm shattered, I never sleep beyond 6am (my lovely child is awake then & her dad isn't around to have her)
I sometimes wonder if I have the time & energy for a relationship & perhaps he sees this & is backing away....

Being a Gp doesn't exonerate him from negative affecting behaviour. I've worked with several Gp's, mostly decent people. Some of the younger ones left me speechless at their emotional intelligence, or lack of it. You're gut is screaming at you. Seriously consider this signal.

Yoksha, thanks for posting again
What my gut feeling is telling me I think is that DP is in contact with someone else. Not sleeping with, but maybe texting inappropriately
Phone in pocket very often
A little bit secretive with it
Seems distracted
Often says 'did I tell you that already?' about personal stuff or says 'I TOLD you that' when he didn't as if maybe he's telling two people his personal stuff.... Again, I don't know if this is just me being paranoid or him being different-it's really head-fuckingly difficult.

Trust your gut! If you think something is up then it more than likely is. It's a horrible feeling when you just 'know' but have no proper proof.

Monkey, the fact that you don't trust him speaks volumes to me. Is it the lifestyle you want? I ask this question not because I'm being nasty, but you display some pretty telling comparisons in your reply.

**And more recently I feel like I'm not good enough for him & even doubting of his friends & family really like me.
He is a doctor & ticks every box that I don't... He has no dependants & has loads of freedom & sleep.
I don't. I feel like I'm starting to resent his lifestyle too. **

At the end of the day you'll make decision, which is your perogative. Take care.

Bold function of quote failure. Sorry.