How can I convince DH it's over?

[hiddentreasure]

About 6 months ago I finally told my dh it was over and I wanted a divorce. He was grief-stricken and doesn't want it to happen, although the writing's been on the wall for some years.

For financial reasons we stayed in the same house (different rooms) while the house was on the market. It didn't sell and will take some time before it does sell so we are still living there together. Dh says he still loves me, but from my pov the marriage is definitely over. I do care about him and have tried to make things as easy as possible for him (eg taking on most of the childcare so he can be with his new gf) BUT the marriage is definitely over. However, he is finding it very hard to accept this.

I could just possibly move out, but it would be expensive in the short run and financially crippling if the house doesn't sell (dh won't drop the price).

What do I do?

How come he's finding it hard to accept if he's got a new girlfriend?

See a solicitor and file for divorce.

Message withdrawn

He has a gf and he wants the marriage to work????

agree with expat

get legal advice and get sorted, while you soon to be ex is having his cake and eating it...he has a girlfriend, but has you making it easy for him as he cannot accept the marriage is over

His new gf's a nutter.

You're better off w/o him.

Message withdrawn

Although he might contest that.

Best to see a solicitor and see what he/she advises and also sort out how to get the ball rolling.

Message withdrawn

Thanks ladies

• divorce is underway; has to be 2 yrs separation because no grounds otherwise, separation started last May (although we are in same house); gf obtained after separation so can't divorce on adultry
• agree on gf issues but think gf was an ego-boosting acquisition and now she is a godsend as far as I am concerned, gets him out from under my feet, would have had to pay someone to do it otherwise!
• real problem is that we have to live in the same house until it sells. If I move out apart from the immediate expense I am concerned that he won't get on with selling the house
• but living with him is bloody difficult especially when he is all 'i still love you even if it's not reciprocated' etc etc

how do i deal with it when living here with him? or blow the finances and move out?

You've got to focus on getting the house sold. We've been struggling to sell our and now we're kind of doing a mini-makeover on it, chucking all the clutter and stuff. As for the bit about him loving you etc. at least he does acknowledge that it isn't reciprocated, so merely mentioning it over again is annoying yes, but just words.

If you move out and blow your finances, that sets you back in your new life, plus I agree he might dally about selling the house. Can he not buy you out?

oh this sounds like me and my exh, and tbh even tho he isnt staying with me anymore, and its been over a year, AND he has got his new gf pg (who is 21 yrs younger lol), i dont think he still accepts it is over

it was a lot harder when he was staying with me, he acted like he was still in a relationship with me, interfered in my personal life, intimidated my male friends, harrassed me, loads of things

i have to say while you are still int he house together he is v likely to think he still has a relationship with you , whatever you say.

my ex was telling me he loved me and wanted to be back with me even tho he had this new girl,i dont envy your situation

as soon as you can live separately it will start to improve, though slowly

You shouldn't move out, that may have an effect on the eventual financial settlement,( depending on who the children live with.)

It's not correct to say that you can't get divorced until you've been separated for 2 years. It's always possible to issue a petition based on the other party's unreasonable behaviour. It doesn't need to be extreme, it could just be along the lines of him being emotionally distant.

It's also possible to divorce him on his adultery, but only if he agrees. I'd recomment not naming his girlfriend on the papers.

Even if you don't go down the divorce route now, I recommend that you get a solicitor to negotiate the terms of a separation deed. That way, when the house does sell, you already have in place a legally binding document stating who gets what in terms of the house equity, savings, child and spousal maintenance etc. The only thing it whon't cover is a pension sharing order. Only the court can deal with that, within the divorce proceedings.

Sorry for typos, btw.

Same position here: told him it's over, nearly a year ago, have to share a house for economical and childcare reasons, but unlike your situation spouse won't even agree to sell the house. He's tried the "my feelings towards you haven't changed" line, flatly refuses to believe that I am unhappy living with him (shouting "Liar" at me, in front of the children, is a great way to show how happy I should be!), and hopes if he remains obstructive I'll eventually give up.
I won't.

As for your own situation, though, hiddentreasure: what can you do? Just carry on with your plans. His problem that he can't/won't accept it, not your problem to somehow persuade him. I'd be inclined to politely repeat that it is over, in best assertiveness training broken record style, and refuse to get into a discussion about it.

being called a liar in front of my kids i could cope with, mine called them all in and told them i was a lying c*nt only getting rid of him so i could fuck younger men