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Relationships

Stressed with crap relationship / abuse

35 replies

Stressedandconfusedinmay · 25/05/2016 10:34

Hi everyone,

I would like some external advice.

I have been with my partner for 5yrs with a break of about 10months. I broke up with him before because he was really difficult to deal with, he would get angry all the time. Go out drinking loads, we had massive arguments he threw my handbag out of the house would storm out at all hours to go drinking to avoid me. He hit me once 5yrs ago. He wasn't that focused on his career and smoked weed casually which I think was making him behave this way. We had loads of good times too but one day I just had enough. He would do silent treatment after arguments and ignore me for maybe 5 days then want everything to go back to normal.

Since we got back together everything was fine he has changed except he kept blaming me for breaking up with him and dumping him like a dog. I said that me disappearing wasn't the best way to break up but he has to take responsibility for his behaviour. He sleeps in a lot when he is not working so I don't feel we spend that much time together. On Saturday he stayed out at his friends because the football was on then on Sunday was too tired for us to go out and spend time together. He does this maybe twice a month. If I try and disturb him when he is tierd he gets really nasty and tells Me to F off.

Yesterday he made some comments in the morning about me being like all other women. He left for work in a huff. I txt him saying I don't feel that we wants to be with me and he's upsetting me and he didn't reply. When he got home from work I tried to talk to him and he said he wanted to talk tomorrow. I said I need to talk now as I had been stressed all day. It's never the right time to talk. He then stormed out and came back at 4am. I'm not sure what the next best thing is to do, try and talk to him or weather I just should give up now ? I love him a lot he can be really kind and caring and he wants us to start a family but I feel the communication issues are still there and it's hard work.

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neonrainbow · 25/05/2016 17:26

What is it you think youre in love with about him? He sure as hell doesnt love you or he wouldn't treat you like this. You deserve to be happy.

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Fireman5 · 25/05/2016 17:27

If you get out now it's only 5 years wasted. If you leave it for another 5 years that will 10 years wasted. If it was a friend telling you her problems what would be your advice to her?

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princessmi12 · 25/05/2016 17:34

Accept you wasted 5 years of your life . Those years gone .You can't change the past but you can change the future . It is scary (the unknown future) , it will be hard for a while but the change will be good thing in long term!

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Stressedandconfusedinmay · 25/05/2016 17:50

I would tell a friend to get rid, I think the love I have is maybe from how things used to be. We were friends first and he used to be so sweet. Now it's like he is a monster when he gets wound up ( by the smallest things even like me not cleaning in the right way). I agree if he really loved me he wouldn't treat me like this.

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AnyFucker · 25/05/2016 17:52

So make this the last time you accept this treatment. The man is a piece of shit.

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Jan45 · 25/05/2016 17:52

He not capable of loving anyone OP, don't take it personally, he's damaged goods and you are not a saviour.

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nicenewdusters · 25/05/2016 19:48

Don't try and way up whether you have or have not wasted five years. As you have said, it started well and there have been good times. Now it's really bad and time to leave.

Leaving will not negate the good times in the past, but staying will not make the bad parts any better, and things will get worse.

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Custardmiteofglut · 25/05/2016 20:08

You deserve to be cherished and spoken to with affection, not aggression. This man will not, and in reality, has not changed since you first dated.

Don't think of the last 5 years as a waste. Think of the time as a positive learning experience about how you do not want to be treated in a relationship.

Move on, move up and toss this idiot to the curb.

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Stressedandconfusedinmay · 25/05/2016 22:19

Trying not to get upset tonight, it's hard being alone after having that companionship but a lot of the time I was stressed anyway. I can't believe some men can be so heartless and nasty wtf.

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nicenewdusters · 25/05/2016 23:07

Better to be alone than with somebody making you feel stressed, and lonely in a different way. I suspect you know that already though. Hope you get a good nights sleep and feel a bit better tomorrow.