What a cliche

[hamabeads]

Currently sat here reeling. Shaking so much. I just didn't expect it. Perhaps I am stupid.

Last Oct DH left his phone unlocked. I casually picked it up and had a scroll through. No idea why I did this as not suspicious or anything. Found a set of messages back and forth - about 5 or 6 in total. Basically saying he was thinking of her today and did she fancy a drink soon. That sort of thing. He definitely seemed keener than her.

Then this week found a series of messages after a works night out, with a different woman. He had been out and it appears he met her whilst out - it is unclear whether they knew each other before. Basically they are both pissed. He says he hopes he wasn't inappropriate and she says no not at all...

Anyway this evening I have been digging about in his online history and found a whole set of messages from 2013 and 2014. Between him and the first woman (Oct). It appears they have kissed, although I don't think anything else happened. This is because she stopped it. He was clearly very keen - talking about only wanting her and sending her chasing messages about meeting up and so on.

OK wise ones. What do I do? He is currently away with work.

cocoa - I like that phrase.

I think I am finding it hard as usually when I/we have a crisis I turn to him and he has been fantastic in these situations.

I can't stop crying now. Even cried whilst I put petrol in the car this morning.

I keep thinking what did I do wrong???

Nothing! YOU did nothing wrong.
This is his failing and not yours.
It's very hard to understand this when you are, well, where you are right now.
We ALL blame ourselves to start with.
It's human nature.
But please don't try to understand what YOU did.
Honestly, you'll come up with nothing because there is nothing.
But your poor head will go round and round in circles trying to find something so that YOU can fix it.
Well you can't.
Only he can. HE did this and he will need to come up with ways of trying to fix it. If of course, that is what you both want to do.

Don't forget to get screen shots of the messages as these might come in handy later on.

Your short term plan is a good one.
For now though you; Fake it 'til you make it!

I have screenshot and printed out the messages on his ipad. The ones on his phone from Oct I have photos of.

I have found some more pension/salary/tax/savings info this morning so have spent a good hour or so photocopying money info. If he turns against me then he will try to screw me with money. He has already said as much when we had a row a couple of years ago. He is very controlling of 'his' money and I have never had access to much of it. I fear a battle will be on my hands.

After hysterically crying for a couple of hours I have been calm and calculating.

Oh god the school have phoned. DS2 has kicked off big time. Got to go up and speak to the Head.

Unbelievable, he lies and cheats but yet threatens you with a fight, he sounds lovely, not, well rid.

It sounds like there were already problems in the relationship before this came to light because no one would just casually go through their partners private phone messages. There was clearly already a lack of trust in this relationship, where did that come from? Had you been arguing a lot before?

Hope school's not too bad OP. Thinking of you.

How are things today?