Help me

[Tonis2297]

Ok long one , I need help in sorting things out my house is a riot atm and so is everything else , lately I've been quite depressed issues with our ds health not going to go into it but it making me very anxious and agitated and I've been very selfish to DP he understands he's fantastic he works ft I'm sahm , he leaves at 6am and gets in at 5pm he's off weekends , every night he will come in make dinners sort the kids out and get them off to bed I'm just so tired and over the weekend he lets me sleep and deals with dd (ds goes to his dad's) I feel like I'm really taking advantage and being selfish because he is just as knackered as I am (manual heavy job) somebody please give me a kick up the backside I want him to come into a tidy clean house and a dinner on the table for once !

Are you getting any help as regards your feelings of anxiety and depression? Seems to me that's the first issue.

If you are struggling with anxiety it is no wonder you're knackered.

The man loves you, and I doubt he cares about a clean house more than he does about you. Be a bit kinder to yourself!

No not atm I don't have the time to get to my gp ds has SN and we are overrun with appointments for him just now so I'm running round like a headless chicken trying to get to appointments with him and dd in tow , the house probably makes me feel worse I feel more calm when everything's in its place and in order just to tired to do it just now so frustrating!

Get your bloody act together woman!!
(Is that what you want to hear?)

It's not easy being a SAHM if you have real problams & anxiety too. I'd tackle this in 2 ways -

1. Sort yourself out. Are you depressed? Your GP may be able to help you. Also check your diet, are you eating healthily & making sure you aren't deficient in iron, b12, vit D etc. You could possibly have issues with low thyroid levels. (I speak from experience on all the above!)

1. Get a routine to your day. It's not hard! Spend an hour or two on specific tasks - eg tidying the living room, sorting out the fridge / freezer / kitchen cupboards (not all at once!), tidying your bedroom etc etc. Throw stuff away!! It's incredibly satisfying to do. And you can help by planning a few meals; you know what your family like so do something to help prepare meals before DH gets home.

Don't beat yourself up about what you haven't done, just get on with doing stuff from now on! OK??

(And best wishes to your DS too)

So this is a temporary thing because of a spate of appointments?

Give yourself a break!

But do get to the gp. It's important. If your stop coping the wheels really will come off.

What time does your GP close?
Mine is 6 or 7pm so you could go once your DH gets home.
You must make time to get there.
The depression will deepen unless you get some help.
It's hard but you need to really make that a priority.
Your DS can't have appointments all day every day.
There must be a bit of time? (maybe not but I'm hoping for you)

Bless your DH. Make sure you tell him often, just how wonderful he is.

Yes temporary just now I'm usually quite organised ds is being tested for arthritis and we have a long 2 week wait to find out if he has a genetic syndrome it's the waiting that's making this all worse it's been 5 months and counting! - I have always had a problem with b12 and folic acid deficiency I shall get these checked again as it may be low again! Thanks guys!

I think being SAHM can unfortunately make anxiety and depression worse for a lot of sufferers, its hard to get motivated when you're exhausted anyway never mind adding in the mental issues. I think others are right that you need to address that part first, maybe make an appointment with your GP and see what helps available?

Even if you muster up the umph to clean and cook and have everything spick and span if your mentally feeling rubbish a week later chances are you'll be in the same rut, its a never ending battle I know :(

Best of luck

Hi there, I hate and detest cleaning, it's never going to be top of my list of favourite things to do, but now I have a kid I realise I do have to try and make the effort...Urgh!
I know it can seem daunting when the whole house looks like a bomb has gone off, so what I do is try and tackle one job at a time, in 20 minute chunks (I'd lose the will to live if I had to do an hour!).I decide what is I'm going to do, be it hoover the lounge or do the kitchen or sorting post or whatever, and I actually set the timer on my phone. Knowing I'm only committing to 20 minutes makes it much less daunting, and knowing the timer is on makes me much more focused. Sometimes starting is the hardest bit, and once I get going I might even go crazy and do a whole 40 minutes!
That might not seem much to some people but it is what is doable for me, and means I do actually make some progress in keeping squalor at bay! And I do feel better afterwards, as you rightly say it is easier to be calm when the house is not in total chaos!
Hope this helps! Good luck x

I do the basics to survive times when I feel like this. I get most done first thing in the morning as soon as everyone is up and getting ready and I do it as quickly as possible to get it over and done with eg make the beds, unload the dishwasher, load breakfast things, quick wipe around kitchen surfaces, tidy living room, put one load of washing on. That all takes minutes if you whizz round. If I manage to hoover downstairs as well that's a bonus.

If I were you I would pick a couple of days a week where you make an effort to cook so everyone is fed and happy and you don't feel the guilt.

I know what it's like with health appointments, it's wearing and time-consuming so on days where you are rushing around, give yourself a break.

I also find once I've sat down for the day, I'm not likely to get back up. So I keep going and squeeze in an extra job or two before I put the tv on or sit down with the iPad. Every one little thing you do helps even if you have to force yourself and you feel a small sense of achievement then.