How do you support a husband with depression?

[Watchingthewindgoby]

He has a chronic illness (ME) which may or may not be related to his depression, is miserable at work and wants a new job but feels powerless to change. Has quite bad generalised anxiety. He is having therapy every fortnight but doesn't want to take medication. His therapy is sort of helping but it's also making him feel very anxious beforehand and exhasted afterwards. I'm having to do most of the running of the house, he still does his own washing/bins/car stuff and occasionally hoovering but I'm exhasted doing everything else. (This is not the norm for us, we usually do about 50:50)

We have been together 10 years and I've never seen him so irritable, frustrated and teary. He sort of has angry outbursts, mainly at inanimate objects (never done that before). If we have a nice day out together he will get teary because he says it feels like this is what he wants his life to be all the time and he feels he is letting me down. And he is drinking more, not loads and not every day but more than usual to make him feel better.

How do I support him and help him get better, I feel so powerless!

I suggest you encourage him to take medication and reduce his drinking.

He is being a bit stupid short sighted to refuse medication and instead self medicate with alcohol when that will make things worse, not better.

If he won't listen to you about the medication v alcohol issue, I suggest you encourage him to discuss it with his GP.

You can best support him by keeping yourself well.

You need to be in with a counsellor too. You are going through a lot. You are also a victim of the illness.

It might be worth seeing if you can have a one off meeting with his counsellor to explain how things are at home, to give him/her the context. Not as a substitute for your own therapy of course.

You could simply ask him "what do you need from me to help you get better?" See if what he requests is acceptable to you. He might want to not be "supported" and "helped". He might just want you to be happy and unconstrained by him, while he deals with his issues like the adult he is.