Is sexting cheating?

[Doublefun1]

My husband and I have been having a tough time for a number of years. Firstly due to pressure of work which led to a breakdown for him. He basically checked out of our marriage for 2 years and didn't have headspace for anything except his job. I also work full time in a highly stressful job yet manage to balance it. Once I told him it was counselling or out we went and he was devastated with himself and how he had behaved. I've found it almost impossible to let him back in , fear of him doing it again I guess. Any how on Wed I saw really really graphic sexting messages between him and his old PA (who I also know and work with!) these went on for 48 hours somehow I didn't say anything for that long as the kids were around all the time when I did he was again devastated and said it got totally out of hand. Firstly I know he would t do anything with her for many reasons. But this is just wrong. I have remained weirdly calm again I think because I've distanced myself but I've asked him to move into the spare room to give me space. I'm all a bit lost anyone been here or have any advice?

Does he see her at all anymore? Do you think they have been meeting? Or is it just the texts and stopped there?

He's not loyal. He's not amazing. Kids always think their dad is amazing - their amazing because they are dad. You can't rely on a child's opinion of their parents until their into their 20s.

That's all irrelevant. He's had an extended sexual conversation with another woman, one that also happens to know you, so it's not even a secret - other people know about this and you didn't. It wasn't a quick mistake, either - not that it would excuse this - he didn't send a flirty message. It was two days of sexy messages and excitement. He saw you during those two days, he thought about you and your sons - and he still chose the thrill of texting her instead. Maybe he wouldn't have actually gone through with what he was saying but A) he's hardly proved himself trustworthy enough to believe that and B) that makes it worse - he risked everything he has with you for some sexy texts.

He isn't devastated. He's sad that it ended, he might be a bit embarrassed that you know about it and have read the messages. He's not devastated though. If he had any level of devastation or sadness or guilt, there's no way it would have lasted 48 hours. He's playing you like a fiddle because he knows you want to think the best of him. It's horrendously disrespectful.

It's your decision if you stay in the relationship. It's your decision if this counts as cheating or if you want to classify it as something else. Don't let him treat you like this though - the lack of respect means he's quite likely to go on and hurt you again and you don't deserve that.

Thank you all I'm honestly just lost. I've never posted on a thread before and I'm too embarrassed to tell friends I have told 2 of my close friends who know him well. I've asked him for 2 weeks out of the relationship to get a clearer head

That is a good idea. You don't need his "devastated" hang dog expression over the cornflakes.

It's cheating

Not sure about 'asked him', Doublefun1. You're in control of this - you state what you need now to help you process this latest injury to the relationship and he - for once - respects your wishes and feelings.

It's good that you've told your friends. You need support and not to feel like you have to collude in some conspiracy of silence to preserve the 'top chap' image he wants the world to have of him.

You say it really is all the hopes and dreams and happy times taken away not sure he sees it that way which is more heartbreaking - I thought he was supposed to be 'devastated'?