DH for emotional support?

[Ohwhatbliss]

Just that really. Do you/can you rely on your OH for emotional support? Thought I had a great marriage, just recently, not so sure

x-post - that must be so hard. I'm guessing you've already looked for local friends and support groups?

I moved to a new area a few years ago and moved back again eventually because I missed that rock-steady stability of knowing where everything was and feeling like I belonged - and that was without the stress of a child so I can only imagine what it's like with one.

And coco I'm glad you have that support.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. This thread is cathartic in the absence of any confidant in real life.

I have made friends here but having arrived when I was at the end of my pregnancy means they are all "mum" friends. None of them really know me. I see people every day but I do feel incredibly lonely.

My DH works such long hours and is so tired there is very little left for us. I just feel like things are falling apart. I had a massage today in an attempt to feel better. The masseuse told me to relieve stress I needed to do something that filled me with joy. I can't remember the last time anything other than my child filled me with joy, but that's most people's lives surely??! I feel like I need someone to talk to? A therapist of some sort?

My ExSiL was in a similar position and has moved back to England to be near her parents and family, and old friends. Their marriage is still intact as far as I know. She's also working part-time.

Merd - we have no time together through the week really as he's generally at work until late. Then dinner, slump in front of tv, sleep, repeat.

We do have access to babysitters and we both realise we need to take advantage.

Liney - I do wonder if that's where my general feeling of dissatisfaction stems from. I would happily move home tomorrow. I miss my parents desperately and never more than now they are grandparents.

DH loves living here and his career is flying.

Gosh, what fills a person with joy??

Live theatre, live classical music, amazing cinema ... but what you're lacking I suspect is that intimacy you want with your husband.

When I have it with OH it makes me feel good, and it can be doing something as daft as cooking together and playing old 80s music and exchanging hugs.

Sorry x posted.

Her suggestions were taking up a long forgotten instrument, painting, walking in nature etc. She was talking about relieving the physical symptoms of tension of course. But it made me think, where's the joy in my life just now?

It sounds like maybe he's not able to be emotionally supportive not because he doesn't care, but because you're not emotionally connected right now - which is so easy to happen in any relationship.

I know I feel uneasy and out of sorts when DH and get out of sync in busy-busy-busy times and it takes a bit of focused attention from us both to fall back in sync again.

Any chance of him reducing those hours? Are they that vital in comparison to the bigger picture? He'll never get them back after all and your relationship and child need work and investment.

A therapist is always a brilliant idea in my opinion but it's hard work and not quite the same as a "feel good" hour.

You probably also need to reclaim some time for "you" if you can - what do you love doing? (Painting? Reading? Running?) and can you try to do some of that too? (I bet it's partly "spending time with DH" which maybe hits both goals?)

Can you book a babysitter soon and maybe have a night out chatting about it all?

Do NOT have a spa weekend.

I agree with a proper evening out for dinner (or in for supper) where you have time to talk and re-connect a bit. Phones off, gentle music.

How are you doing today OP? Have you talked to him at all?