Me and my boyfriend (ex) were together for 5 years, lived together for a while, had a dog together. We almost had a child but unfortunately it didn't work out which is something we were very upset by but unfortunately not ready for. We have been living apart for a year now, due to financial difficulties (he took out a loan, I was at uni and couldn't find a job where we lived) with the aim of saving up and moving back in together. He lives on his military camp, and I moved back in with my parents about 3 hours away from him. This has caused a lot of stress between us and we have argued a lot over the last year and my ex has gradually become very controlling, unpredictable and nasty. He has also been trying to move up in his job which he hates, but to no avail which has made him stressed, too.
I tried so many times to work our relationship as it was very hard. Unfortunately he didn't want to talk about how he was truly feeling, despite showing signs of depression and anxiety. He hated not having our own place again and having no money, and all the driving to see me. I have always been there for him, but it has been hard as he has taken a lot of his stress out on me which has caused big arguments and upset, lots of near-breaking up but also lots of making up as well as we do love each other a lot.
We had a huge argument over a week ago as he was pretty nasty to me, and he told me he just wanted to buy a house with me. I said we can't, not whilst it's like this and we couldn't get a mortgage anyway until he'd paid his loans off. I think this hit him quite hard - a bit of reality. However, we decided to have a big talk last weekend - I stayed over at his parents -about everything and how we would move forward through this difficult time, and for once we resolved things and admitted how much we loved each other and shouldn't be taking out our stress on each other. It seemed like I was finally getting through - he said it didn't matter because our living situation wasn't permanent, we would see how it goes, we'd keep saving for the moment, I would look for a new job nearer him and just be happy. We were then very loved up, he told me I was everything to him and I felt so happy that we were going to move past this.
I got the train back home on the Sunday morning, feeling absolutely great. I got home, opened my laptop to start applying for jobs to be near my love, where I found all his iMessages coming through to the laptop (it's one we've always shared). I didn't recognise a number he'd been speaking to, but it said things like 'morning beautiful' and 'can't wait to see you'. These messages indicated he had met someone else on the Thursday night (before he'd seen me) and he'd taken her out for lunch on the Friday (same day he'd seen me and told me he was in traffic all day).
I called him and confronted him about it, and he said he hadn't been happy for ages and he wanted to see what it was like with someone else. We talked a little bit but he had to go and we ended the conversation with 'love you'.
I was still in shock though and very angry, and had already text the girl's number saying 'Your messages have come through to mine and his laptop, we're in a 5 year relationship and we spent the weekend together with our dog and his parents!'. When my ex found this out, he called me back straightaway and went mental - saying that I was crazy - and that he had to apologise to this girl on my behalf. He then said he wanted to break up with me, so I said 'ok then' and hung up, but he called back again saying 'I didn't mean it. I just don't know what to say I am so angry at you. Let's speak later when I've calmed down.'
I then got a text from the girl again, saying 'I've just spoken to him and he said you broke up months ago and he didn't spend the weekend with you'. I was so upset and angry I went out with my friends, drank a lot, so when he called later on in the day I ignored it as I didn't want to speak to him.
I tried to speak to him the next day, apologised for not taking his calls and he said we can speak after work. I panicked and told him I loved him, he was my best friend, I never wanted to lose him. He read this but didn't reply. I then called him after work. He didn't respond. He read my messages but ignored me. I called him a couple of times and said can we talk? He read them all and ignored me. I didn't want to continue grovelling, considering what had I done wrong? So I deleted his number so that he would have to contact me when he was ready.
It's now Friday and he still hasn't spoken to me. I am absolutely broken inside. This was my best friend and partner for 5 years. Every decision I made, all my life plans, all my belongings, my whole routine, my whole LIFE was with him. We were partners. And now he has dropped me like this, for the first person who has given him a bit of attention, and doesn't even have the courtesy to say sorry or even speak to me at all.
I know its easy to say 'better off without him' but I'm really struggling to see it like that at the moment. He was my whole life and I care about him so much. We've had some tough times, fallen out a lot and sometimes felt a lot of hate for him, but I've never fallen out of love with him. We've always gotten through it as we love each other. Now it seems like none of this ever mattered to him.
I don't know if he'll come to his senses or not. We didn't even break up. Part of me thinks if he definitely wanted to end it he would have said, but he hasn't even spoken to me and just ignored me. I don't know.
He usually picks me up from work on Fridays as he stays over at mine at the weekends so I guess I feel like maybe he will get in touch soon, or maybe he's had enough of me now and moved on. I'm absolutely devastated.
If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, or can try and tell me what he might be thinking or what I should do, I would really appreciate it because I am just at a complete loss at the moment and feel like my life is falling apart.