Ive been trying to deal with things for the last 2 weeks pretty much alone because im so ashamed and embarrassed about the situation im in but i dont think i can cope anymore.
I'll try to cut things down but i dont want it to be a massive drip feed so apologies if i miss bits out.
Me and Dh got new phones several weeks ago and for some reason they synced and i received some of his data onto my phone. This included very explicit photos of him which were obviously meant for someone elses viewing not mine. Rather than think about things and prepare for any bullshit, i confronted him straight away. His reaction was one of pure anger and hatred towards me and we literally ended up physically fighting in front of Ds because his only aim was to get the phone off me rather than explaining what the hell was going on which is what i expected him to do.
To cut a very long story short i kicked him out that night, he went to his parents 200 miles away. I have since spent time going through everything on the internet trying to find out what the hell has been happening behind my back. I finally found a POF account which the idiot had used his gamer tag for and our normal password. I felt sick reading his profile and even worse seeing what messages he had sent and who too.
Fast forward to last Friday i decided to let him come home if he swapped rooms with Ds so that we could talk and he could return to work and we could try and find a way forward. He didnt know id found the profile. I couldnt bring myself to talk to him when he walked in so we have avoided each other all week.
Ive since worked out how to see what Apps he had on his phone using the laptop and it gets worse because he also has one called Grindr which turns out to be a gay meet up site. I hadnt spoken to him until last night and told him that id found his accounts online and told him what id seen on his POF which i had accessed. He was stunned and crying then i told him i had been through his Grindr account which was a lie because i could only see he had the App and couldnt work out what his password or what email he'd used. He basically sobbed and said it wasnt him and even though it looked like he was meeting men, he wasnt and a whole load of other hysterical rantings about me not outing him when he isnt Gay. I havent got a clue whats really on his Grindr account but his reaction told me enough.
This isnt the first time, about 9 years ago i found a profile he'd set up stating he was Gay but he explained it away and said him and his mates were pissing around.
Its such a mess, im sure our marriage is over but i'm also scared he'll do something stupid to himself. I'm so angry and hurt, i dont even know him and all he seemed worried about was me telling anyone. Ive told a close friend about the POF account which was bad enough but feel so disloyal if i say about the Grindr account which is ridiculous considering what he's done to me and the Dc and im also so embarrassed.
What the hell do i do, my life for the past 11 years appears to be bullshit.
Ive got 4 Dc but only the youngest is his, he's just happy his dad is home.