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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to hurt my ex

23 replies

VikiC · 19/05/2016 10:09

So we split up about 4-5 weeks ago. I thought I was going to be okay until today and I suddenly started to feel pent up anger that I have been pushing to one side. I've been trying to keep busy, but today i feel like I am going back into a depression and I don't know what to do.

I want to hurt him like he has done to me, I've been thinking of ways how but I can't he's in another country for a start. I know I can't hurt him because he never really cared about me, I just wish I could. Like when it ended I didn't even get a word in, he just kept speaking over me. I just have so many things unsaid, I don't know what to do with it.

What can I do?

OP posts:
ThatsMyStapler · 19/05/2016 10:11

do nice things that you couldnt do with him - what food didnt he like, but you loved?? eat loads,

what did he restrict you doing (i dont mean in an abusive way, just in a 'we dont eat mushrooms on pizza because he doesnt like them' type way)

TheNaze73 · 19/05/2016 10:12

Not a lot, as from what it sounds like, he's not bothered in the slightest. I don't like revenge per se, as its negative however, the best thing you could do, is learn to love yourself again and move on from him. Feeling better about yourself will make you feel like the winner and no one can argue a feeling.

KittensandKnitting · 19/05/2016 10:14

Write it all in a letter to him, prefable hand written

Then burn it/cut it up into tiny pieces

Boomingmarvellous · 19/05/2016 10:17

I would write it all down and express your pent up anger that way.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/05/2016 10:17

Get some friends round for gin and vilification. Howl, scream, have toilet paper printed with his face on*. Don't brood, it'll eat you alive.

*This is actually a thing. Firm in the US does it. www.justtoiletpaper.com/custom.html

Original poster
VikiC · 19/05/2016 10:23

I've been eating take away's alot because he wouldn't allow me to have them much, I have alot more spare income now I don't have him. I have a full kingsize bed to myself and no snoring, in a way I am happy, but I just hate the fact that whilst I am suffering he is living the life of Riley with mummy and his new Euro S*.

I don't believe in Karma I have seen too many people do bad things without consequence.

I did the letter thing, I even had the intention of sending it but i decided to burn it instead.

I just wish this feeling would go. maybe a few rounds on my brothers punching bag will do the trick, I could go with my dad to the shooting range and make him shoot a picture of him. I can't actually use the gun I'm not licensed XD

Agh I dunno, it's just a horrible situation that I have never been in before.

OP posts:
Original poster
VikiC · 19/05/2016 10:24

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Oh I didn't even know that was a thing that's hilarious XD

OP posts:
DoorToTheRiver · 19/05/2016 10:25

You have things left unsaid that you feel you need to say but he won't listen. So write him a letter telling him everything you want to say to him but don't give it to him.

It's horrible feeling like this I've been there but he's really not worth your time. I hope you feel better soon. Flowers

DoorToTheRiver · 19/05/2016 10:27

Cross posted. Perhaps your brothers punchbag might help, any physical release is good.

Original poster
VikiC · 19/05/2016 10:30

Rather the punch bag than the wall. I'm just so angry an I'm going to snap if someone crosses my path today so I have made the decision to stay at home. All of my usual coping techniques are proving useless. I usually listen to classical music and do breathing exercises but it isn't cutting it because as soon as I stop the anger comes back again

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/05/2016 10:42

I held the punchbag for a woman at the gym once. Despite outweighing her by 80 pounds, I still fell over twice. Her expression did not invite comment, let alone questions.

ThatsMyStapler · 19/05/2016 10:46

just get through today, tomorrow will be better Flowers WineCake

BirthdayBetty · 19/05/2016 10:49

Send him a massive glitter bomb.

KittensandKnitting · 19/05/2016 12:26

The anger will pass, it really will

My ex made me so angry in the end I actually realised I was angry at myself for letting him control me for so long - he too left to go and live with his mummy. I had so much more money as I had been supporting him, he was very EA.

I redid my flat, I ate loads, I drank loads, I wrote it all down and then burnt the paper.

In the end I had a one night stand and felt much better / this is not for everybody but it worked for me

Then I stopped being angry and moved on. Spent time doing "me" things

Have never looked back :)

RoomForASmallOne · 19/05/2016 12:34

One of your coping mechanisms is working because you've stayed home today Smile

You're protecting yourself, that's a good thing.

That angry feeling is awful, like all emotions, it isn't sustainable.
So, try to sit it out, it won't last.

RatherBeRiding · 19/05/2016 12:41

"Living well is the best revenge".

Get out there and enjoy your life. Don't brood. Seize opportunities. Imagine if he hears from mutual friends/3rd parties that you are just fine - happy, socialising, doing well at work, moving on, looking great ........ i.e. you really don't give a shit that it's over.

He may not hear from mutual friends, but imagine if he did. Now imagine if he heard that you were upset, in floods of tears, not going out, missing work. What feels better?

SandyY2K · 19/05/2016 13:36

What exactly did he do to you? Did he cheat?

There are numerous legal ways to get to him if that's the case. PM me if you want to know.

If not..... let it go and don't give him the satisfaction and show that you're better off without him.

AlanPacino · 19/05/2016 16:46

Break ups are so wounding and we feel cut right down into our very core. If you do anything to hurt him it won't actually hurt him anywhere near as deeply as your are by the end of the relationship. Any attempt to cause him pain will make him glad he isn't in a relationship with someone who behaves like that when they're in pain. You're better of putting effort into you because an angst you expend on retribution will hurt you more in the end.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 19/05/2016 16:49

There are numerous legal ways to get to him if that's the case.

And those would be what?

There is no legal comeback for cheating.

Original poster
VikiC · 19/05/2016 16:54

I can't take any legal action against him. We was never married (thank God) we just lived together. i have kept his TV, I'm keeping that and thats it xD

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2016 17:10

VooDoo doll, huge pins, lots of wine (or gin), and a good friend.

BFF and I did this with a VooDoo doll she'd make of her exH. It was very cathartic. Especially the part where we threw him in the fireplace (i.e. 'sent him to hell') and watched him burn.

springydaffs · 19/05/2016 17:39

Oh definitely get that anger out anyhow, anyway. Well, legal, anyway Wink

It's said that depression is anger turned inwards. So get that anger out! xx

timelytess · 19/05/2016 17:45

Punchbag or beat hell out of a big pile of cushions, whilst telling them everything you wanted to say to him.
Then, shower, change of clothes and off to do something pleasant. Every time you enjoy yourself, its a win over him.

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