Sorry, this might turn into a long one but I want to try and get everything in and not drip feed.
DH has been in a job for a long time (30 odd years), due to ill health he had to leave that job and can't go back into it in his traditional role because of ongoing disability. He has not been paid for 2 years but we have survived and been able to stay in the house because my savings / earnings have covered everything but that won't last forever. He had to apply for a job which is the complete antithesis of everything he believes in and fair play to him, he has done it (is a very stubborn man and would usually refuse, but sees that he has no choice). The job is very high pressure and morally questionable, he comes home after 14 hour days stressed and upset and feeling deskilled. I try to support him but it usually ends up in an argument because I try to help / advise / reassure and he thinks I don't understand. So I leave him to it, which leaves him feeling isolated and like nobody cares. So we alternate between arguing and not really speaking (this is a long term pattern).
Now I can see that some of the barriers in this role are his anxiety (another long term issue), he is crippled by it sometimes and it interferes with his ability to see / do things clearly but I can't say this to him because it will be like a kick in the teeth.
I have said that if the worse comes to the worse we can move to a house which we can afford on one wage but he won't hear it.
Any thoughts or suggestions?