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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What do I do?

11 replies

Amaya123 · 18/05/2016 14:21

I have been with my other half for two years and we are just about to buy a house together(with completion being in the next two weeks). But all of a sudden I don't feel myself feeling how I use to. Although I have a son this is not my other half's child. He doesn't seem to make much effort with my son however he seems to think putting a roof over our head makes this all a lot better. I feel caught I don't think this relationship is the one I am meant to be in and feel i would be better off on my own but I know this will upset my OH definitely with our house going through in the next few weeks. My heads all over the place! Any advise?

OP posts:

Kidnapped · 18/05/2016 14:25

Have you exchanged contracts on the house?

If not you can still pull out.

Is the new house in both your names? With both paying the mortgage on it? The 'putting a roof over our head' thing suggests that it might not be.

Original poster

Amaya123 · 18/05/2016 14:32

We have not exchanged contracts, but will both be paying towards mortgage, we have been living with him in a rented house for a year.

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 18/05/2016 14:44

But is the house in both names?

hellsbellsmelons · 18/05/2016 14:55

Are you on the mortgage?
Who is paying the deposit?
Your gut is telling you to get out so that's what you need to do.
Call of the house sale now before it's too late.

Original poster

Amaya123 · 18/05/2016 14:56

The house is in both names with us both paying around £20,000 each for the deposit!

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 18/05/2016 15:13

Can you find out how much, if anything, you would lose by backing out now?

Slowdecrease · 18/05/2016 15:28

You sound like a classic comittmemt phobe - I get it, I am one too. First of all, your partner is not your sons dad. Buying a house together and him being half responsible for a roof over your sons head is a big comittment on his part. If you're not feeling it get out now but don't throw something good away on jitters

Original poster

Amaya123 · 18/05/2016 16:08

I think this could be the issue, but then i have been feeling like this for a while, i have tried discussing with other half but he just makes me feel guilty for these fillings. I dont want to hurt him and this plays a big part in my head! I wish there was a book for all these answers!

OP posts:

Dangerouswoman · 18/05/2016 16:24

It sounds like you really don't want to go through with it. I didn't have any jitters about buying a house with exh (turned out to be horrendous but I did want to set up home together.)

Kidnapped · 18/05/2016 16:31

No. Don't do it.

Much better to pull out now than commit to something you don't feel is right. You'll have to pay some money to cover the costs that have been accrued so far.

Rent or buy a place alone with your son.

Heatherjayne1972 · 18/05/2016 16:31

You have to listen to your instinct
If you pull out and it's the wrong descion you can buy another home
If you stay and ignore how you feel it could well be a nightmare
I think if you really don't want to buy this house then don't
Sometimes you have to do what's right for you - this is one of those times when you should put yourself first

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