I've been struggling with some things about my upbringing, and am considering going at least low contact with my parents. I feel like they were perhaps emotionally abusive. I know that, sadly, so many of you are very knowledgable about this stuff. Just a couple of incidents that have been playing on my mind:
My mother walked in on me in the shower (as she always did) at 17 and saw I'd shaved off my pubic hair. She was horrified, called me a pervert, and was nasty to me about it for days.
When I was about 15 I went through a phase of getting blood on my underwear during my (very heavy) periods. During a row my father called me a child because I still couldn't manage to not get 'shit on my pants'. My mother used to inspect my clothes when they went in the wash, and regularly shame me about this.
We used to have vicious fights, that would often turn physical in some way. They would only draw to a close when my precious little brother would get angry and then hyperventilate. My parents would say 'enough is enough, your brother is getting upset'. What would have happened during these rows is that they would have been screaming at me, and my brother on one occasion threw a clay ornament at my head. It was I who would have been causing the upset by not doing exactly what that wanted. During another argument, my father kicked through my classical guitar, snapping it in two, before grabbing me by the neck of my dressing gown, spitting in my face and saying 'I'd punch you if you were a man'.
My phone was in my mothers name, she paid for it until I was 18, but kept it in her name until I was 20. She used to use my online phone bill to keep tabs on me. Ditto with my bank account. She also used to frequently go through my phone, and went through diaries numerous times, from when I was 13-20. I feel like I had no privacy. She still asks me every month if my period has come, and keeps asking until it has, all the whilst saying 'I hope you're not PREGNANT'.
When I told her I'd had bulimia for years, after allowing her to take me for tests to investigate why I was being sick all the time, she said 'how could you do this to me, I can't believe you lied to me'. She also insinuated that she did not believe me. My parents have been and always have been obsessed with me lying to them, and not trusting me. They never considered the fact that I did not trust them.
At 22 I travelled to go on a date with my now husband and didn't tell them. My mum found my train ticket, flipped out, called me a slut etc. She emptied out my handbag to 'see what else I had been lying about' and found my anti depressants. Flipped out further. When I got angry she started yelling 'you're insane, she's crazy!!' My father and brother got involved. It ended up with my brother force feeding me a bunch of my anti depressants, and me letting him. He also broke my finger that night. I was not allowed to seek medical help for either of these things, as we've known the local dr since I was born, and what would they think of my brother? I should have perhaps called the police, but a) they wouldn't have let me make the call, and b) I was worried they'd get me sectioned, even though I was fine, except depressed!
I don't know what to do. In many ways they are your archetypal caring parents, who sacrificed stuff for me, spoiled me, and always do things because they care. I feel so down about it all, my mental health is in a bit of a state and I can't move past this stuff, and the rest. I'm also afraid of being emotionally unavailable to my daughter. I don't know what to do.