How would you feel if......

[deeno]

I was out on a hen night last night and my partner was also out in our local town with his mates. Partner had arranged for my mum to look after our 5 mth dd. Anyway I got back at about 3.15am (the hen night was a 30 minute taxi journey away) to find mum still sitting dd as partner hadn't returned. (Local town 30 min walk away or 5 min taxi ride). When he did return at 3.40am. He had some cock n bull story about meeting a mate at the taxi rank and going back to his to play playstation and then walking home from his. Call it womens intuition I didn't believe him so phoned the mate only to find out he hadn't seen him for ages. When I confronted partner he told me that he had actually walked an ex girlfriend (from several yrs ago) home. He had seen her in the nightclub and she was on her own as her mates had gone home and so he did the honour of walking her home (a 45 min walk in the opposite direction of our house). He swore that nothing happened - "I just wanted to talk to her, not seen her for ages".

I am fuming....
one for choosing to walk another woman home instead of going back to our home and our dd and to relieve the baby sitter.
two for lieing to me in the first place with the stupid story of going to his mates and making me feel paranoid for not believing him.

Hope all this makes sense. Am I overreacting or am I right to feel pissed off. I don't know if I can trust him anymore...

You are definitely not overreacting. Had you agreed what time he would relieve the babysitter at (I just couldn't see my mum waiting until after 3am!). In any event, lying about what happened was out of order.

He's definitely been stupid.

How is your relationship otherwise?
Don't think you can judge him by one incident unless there is a pattern iyswim.
I would be annoyed but would need a lot more than this to not trust him.

I would be furious. He should have packed her into a taxi and got home pronto.

I agree with being furious and him lying but does this mean she shouldnt "trust"him?

Dh used the very same playstation excuse a few years back. Didn't get found out till I noticed a receipt for a meal on the floor (saw it upside down mid sex, which made it worse).Instead of confronting him, I asked him more and more about his evening, to see how big a hole he could dig for himself. A very big one, as it turns out. In the end, it all turned out to be innocent, I'm 99% sure. But he wanted to avoid an argument, so didn't tell me he was out with his best friend, who is female. But to this day, he cant understand that I was upset about the lies, not the fact he went out.

I would be furiouse too, if he was that concerned why didn't he pay for a taxi for her instead of walking her home. And why'd he lie in the first place if he had said it first it might not have been so iffy. Has he done anything like that before? I would talk to him rather than get yourself all worked up over it. I certainly would be cross. HOpe you can sort it out. And what is really bad on his part is the fact that you had a dd at home, which should have been his first priority no his ex.

Yeah, I agree that it was totally irresponsible, but I really dont think men think the same as women; its a natural difference, not deliberate awkwardness or spite. Maybe its naive, but over the years I've come to the conclusion that its not worth getting all worked up over their stupidity (but dont let them see that, and think they've got off scot free!). It also depends what bothers you most; the woman, the lies, or the not coming home on time.

yeah i think you're right about not thinking like women ixel.

Yup - I too would be furious. Do his loyalties suddenly lie with getting an old ex home rather than getting back to his baby daughter and relieving your Mum. The lying part makes it worse. There probably isn't anything in it other than him just not thinking properly until later when he realises how pathetic he has been so feels it's easier to fib. When do guys ever think of the bigger picture?

I had a real go at him this morning about how inconsiderate and irresponsible he has been. He was apologetic and repeated again how there was nothing in it. I was totally pissed off with him though and he disappeared off to his mothers (typical) - which was a good thing though - I needed some space.

I went out for a while with dd and gathered my thoughts together. When I returned he was again sorry, said he feels really bad, inconsiderate, won't happen again etc, etc.

I believe him, probably got a bit paranoid myself, having had a few drinks myself, but hey it's not the type of thing I would expect from him.

You are right soozi and ixel it's a man thing, they just don't think. I'm still bloody annoyed about the whole thing (mainly the irresponsibility of not getting back to relieve mum when he knew I was going to be late), but it's not as if he has done this type of thing before. And I've let him know how pissed off I am.

Thanks for the advice - you have helped put things into perspective. I don't think I've much to worry about - apart from training him to be more bloody responsible now he's got a beautiful dd.