I think he's patronising but he says he's "trying to help". How to deal?

[VIX1307]

I've recently been made redundant and have been looking for a job for a month or so which in itself is stressful enough. I've had 2 successful interviews this week with 2nd interviews booked in for next week and have signed up with various recruitment agencies, so feel I am doing ok.
However, I'm constantly finding myself getting annoyed with my boyfriend giving his opinions and advice on the matter. He asked me this morning how my job search was going and I told him that I was going to town to sign up to a recruitment agency tomorrow with interest for a potential job. His response to this was why haven't I already signed up with this agency?? I told him I've signed up to about 15 agencies and can't join every single one and then he went on to say how he would have and I need to really knuckle down with my job search and giving me tips on what he would do to find a job. "You should be calling companies not wait for them to advertise a role" "Last week you spent 2 hours doing some market research instead of searching for a job, you need to be concentrating on this first and foremost. You really ought to be taking this more seriously".
I seriously feel like a child when he talks to me like this, rather than a capable 30 year old woman.
He says he's trying to help me but it just feels really patronising.
How should I deal with this?

Are you me? DH does the same thing! I don't feel like I can tell him I'd prefer not to have his "help" unless things are going well. My career (or my income, at least) does affect him, so I don't feel like I can tell him to mind his own business.

Well yesterday afternoon it happened again after I told him that I'm waiting to hear back from a recruiter regarding a job, but she was out of the office when I returned her call that morning. His response was "you need to keep ringing, call her again and be proactive. You won't get anywhere just waiting" I just said ok thanks for your opinion but I'm fine. I'll let you know if I need any help" he didn't say anything but just made a face, which again annoyed me but at least it shut it down the conversation quickly. Luckily we don't live together at the moment so really my income is none of his beeswax!

Well I'm not sure I'd be in a hurry to live with (and shares finances with) someone who thinks he's Lord Business.

But you handled it well yesterday. The trap I think you were falling into was wanting to "say your piece". Its not a debate. You'll do what you want. End of. Whereas saying your piece essentially Implies its a dialogue where both people have a say.

But you seem to be learning that his opinion is really just noise, to be politely acknowledged but thats all.

"are you like this with your employees? or do you trust them to know how to wipe their bum?"

"Being helpfully helpful would be better than being unhelpfully helpful like you are now".

But if he thinks he can pronounce on all that you do, I'd be saying goodbye. He sounds really irritating even over the internet.

If you're thinking that it's lucky you don't live together, it sounds like it'd be better if you plan staying apart. In which case, is he really a keeper or not?

He might be curable, but this needs nipping in the bud real quick.

Not only is he a patronising arse, he is a wrong patronising arse. You were lucky to get any payout at all after less than a year's service, you weren't entitled to anything other than notice.

Tell him to fuck off. It's up to you what you do about job searches and pay rises, especially if you're not living together.

My partner and I had some very similar conversations when I was job hunting. Lots of 'you need to do this, you need to do that'. Drove me mental. I tried explaining nicely that he was being patronising and making me feel like he didn't have faith in me. He insisted he did, just wanted to help, was sorry he'd made me feel that way etc etc and then he'd do it again! Even offered to give me a mock interview! (He has absolutely no experience in my field so no idea why he thought that would help). Have to say I did shout at him 'fuck off and stop fucking telling me what I "need" to do because it makes me want to punch you in the face'. Possibly not the most mature option but seemed to get the point across.

He can be a patronising sod at times but in his case it's not a dumpable offence as he does have tons of brilliant qualities and anyway I can just tell him to piss off being a patronising mansplaining pillock and he'll laugh and say fair enough. I do sometimes use acknowledgement + subject change 'I'll bear that in mind ta, right what shall we do for dinner?'.

good luck in the job hunt!

He may well just be trying to "support and help" you.

So you need to tell him, this is not the "support and help" you need

I have been in your situation, DP is a very supportive good man just sometimes his "support" the support he would need in that situation is just not the "support" I need nor do I want.

You don't live together so just tell him straight, this isn't helping what would help is XYZ and it that is back the fuck off tell him that, maybe a bit nicer if he is genuinely a good boyfriend but be clear with him.

Your career your choice!

Sounds like you handled that last one perfectly VIX Keep up the good work!

God he sounds infuriating...he'd not get on well with me with his directives and micromanaging. How overbearing. Yanbu.

You don't live together? Hallelujah - keep it that way.