if your H leaves at 5.30am for work what time would he go to bed?

[DailyMailEthicalFail]

sorry if its a bit of a daft thread title but I am so fed up.

H works M-F. Bus driver.
It's a 7 day job, hours range from 4am start to 2am finish, shift work.
He claims 'unsocial hours' (in fact, 9-5 hrs, M-F) due to ds being ill as a baby.
He gets up at 5 and leaves at 5.30am. Avoids rush hour. Finishes at 3. Home at 4.
Every weekend off.

Because he is tired, he regularly goes to bed at 8pm to get 9 hours sleep.
Tonight he announced his bath at 7pm. Leaving me to clean down kitchen and process 2 kids through Sunday evening bath routine, uniform roundup, bag check - the usual nonsense of a Sunday night. Plus bed and story time.
Walk dog (I know, get rid of dog would make sense but kids love her).

Ds (the 'poorly baby') is nearly 12. He has some SEN and can be hard to get into bed. Often up again until 12midnight. Dd is 8 and also hard to get settled.

I have a mobility difficulty and evenings are very hard for me. Lots of stairs and kids to round up is like herding sheep sometimes. I am lucky to sit down before 10pm and lucky not to be interrupted at least once before midnight. Sometimes I sit and cry with the pain in my feet, despite the meds.

H is currently upstairs watching TV (in bed).
I have asked him to change his hours to something more 'family friendly' (which is what he is claiming they are for, after all).
He says: 'yeah, yeah' but he NEVER does.

Is this reasonable, do you think?

sorry for essay ramble but I'm just so fed up tonight.

[DailyMailEthicalFail]

No, he's not 'on duty' Fri or Sat.
Fri because he's tired from work. Sat as it's 'his only night off'.
Or the holidays, cos, well, they are his holidays.

NapQueen - he does a lot of stomping around. I cook and get the kids to clubs, stories / homework etc.

We have had to fill out some complicated NHS paperwork for an assessment for ds.
Pages of it. Needing going back through a lot of medical history.
I have done it all - content, filling it in, all of it. His input was to read it, after I asked him the 4th time.
I asked him to photocopy it. It's not done.

[DailyMailEthicalFail]

runners he works 7am-3pm, Mon-Fri.

If I ask him to help a bit more in the evenings he asks if I 'want him to be the Glasgow bin man - do I want that on my conscience?' He'll stomp about saying that he'll crash the bus and die and it will be all my fault. Stuff like that.

[Gide]

My best mate threw out her DH for almost the same reasons re refusing to change his hours. Yours sounds like he wants no part of family life but is happy for you to do all the work.

My DH leaves for work at 6.30, doesn't go to bed til 11pm.

[DailyMailEthicalFail]

sorry, am really venting now

[Akire]

If he never works weekends then he has whole of Saturday and Sunday to help sort uniforms get kids bathed and everything else. They all can be done before he goes to bed.

I'm suprised work agree to him never working later or weekends that's not fair on everyone else. Given the 12y old has most extra needs in evening you could do with the support then till midnight not doing all school morning shift plus after school plus evening.

If he wasn't there would it make a difference at all? Sounds like he checked out long ago

[runnerselbow]

He sounds like a lazy arse OP. Sorry.

[runnerselbow]

Agree with PP, it doesn't sound like he's participating in family life at all. Don't blame you for being frustrated. Especially when that's the reason his employer gives him those hours - to help out with your DC!

[runnerselbow]

Just seen 'glasgow binman' post - what an arse!! Cheeky git. And giving you a hard time for asking him to help out. Yeah that's pretty outrageous. He's just closing his eyes and ears to his family growing up around him by the sound of it - for what? So he can sit in bed and watch tele? Pff.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I have always tried to get 8 hrs sleep.

but some colleagues have found this weird and are happy to survive on 5 or claims of 4.

But it sounds like your DH is taking the piss

[CaptainSprinkles]

If I ask him to help a bit more in the evenings he asks if I 'want him to be the Glasgow bin man - do I want that on my conscience?'

That's an utterly wicked thing for him to say! Emotional blackmail at its lowest!

[runnerselbow]

^^ this!

[CauliflowerBalti]

He sounds like a complete cock. YANBU. Very selfish behaviour. He has his own little bedsit in your house? Fuck that.

LTB.

[ClashCityRocker]

Sounds more like a lodger than a partner to me.

Selfish arse.

[CalleighDoodle]

He sounds like he has long since check out of your family. It would most likely be easier without him at home. Then you can turn his bedsit into a sewing room or therapy room.

My husband used to start work at 5.30am. He would go to bed between 9.30 and 10pm. He always made dinner too.

[CalleighDoodle]

Oh and he didnt get home until 7pm.

[Janefromdowntheroad]

DP gets up at 5.30am

Usually falls asleep about 10pm.

Wouldn't go upstairs to watch TV and leave me to do bedtimes though!

[Mrsw28]

My DH gets up for work at 0445 most days, he works six days a week Mon - Sat. He generally goes up to bed at 9 with the view of being asleep by 10, to be honest, he should be going up earlier because he is exhausted all the time and falls asleep a lot in the afternoon/evenings when I need him to be helping with the DCs, but he does help.

Your DH sounds like he doesn't want fatherhood to change his life and so he doesn't let it. Unfortunately, that isn't really being a father. I'd definitely have a chat with him about changing his hours, it sounds like you're just ships that pass in the night and you have to do all the childcare/household jobs.

[kelda]

When I get up early for work I go to bed as soon as the children are asleep, so about 9pm.

[DailyMailEthicalFail]

The other weird thing is that he usually doesn't even say he is going up.
Sometimes he does this whole 'announcement': 'I am very tired and I am going to bed now. See you tomorrow - unfortunately' (in front of dd tonight, the prat)
But, 9/10 he just disappears. I realise I've not seen him for an hour and that he must have gone to his room. Sometimes he'll appear in the kitchen at 10pm for milk/cookies.

Mind, he never says hello when he gets in either. or says if he is going for a walk.

[ProseccoPoppy]

That sounds beyond frustrating and extremely selfish. I work long-ish hours (55-60 hour week is pretty average) in a responsible job and have a fairly long commute, I have to be up just after 5am and so aim to be in bed by 11, if I need to I catch up a little on sleep at the weekend. Baby DD usually wakes twice in the night - I get up for one DH the other. I function fine. Very few healthy people genuinely need more than 7 hours and most can manage on rather less if necessary (and given your dc's needs and your health issues, here he needs to step up). Tbh he's being a selfish prick, but I think you know that.

[BeauGlacons]

I've just ywigged, he finishes at 3pm. So, home at 4pm? The least he could do is 90 minutes of jobs. That's not even killing himself work wise. I bet he gets mandatory breaks as well.

I work full time now. Leave house at 7.30-get home at 7.30 (there's a school run in there). On top of that I run the house - only one 17 year old now though. He needs to buck up his ideas.

[AyeAmarok]

Well I came on to say I often am up for 430 to leave at 530 for work. I go to bed at 10 or 1030.

But having read his Glasgow bin lorry comment now I think he's a fucking knob and so I'm going with a LTB.

[StuRedman]

Dh works 7-3. He does the afternoon school run, comes home, makes me a coffee, plays with ds2, cooks if I'm not up to it, supervises bedtimes, does any jobs that need doing and then goes to bed with me around 10pm.

Your husband sounds like a lazy waste of space.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I leave for work at 630 (up at 5) and I go to bed at 11.

[pocketsaviour]

He's not lazy. He just doesn't want to be married.

What are you getting out of this relationship, if anything?