I've been married for 14 years. We have two children 8 and 5. I became unwell a couple of years ago, lots of tests and eventually told I had chronic fatigue and they could do nothing for me. I stopped working. I couldn't manage it anymore. I get by most days with mild symptoms, some pain, tiredness, sickness. If I do too much I can have a flair up, but if I rest while kids are at school then I can handle school run/homework etc. I also teach a couple of local classes privately but it doesn't bring much money in.
Husband has always been a bit of a bully. Prone to name calling. Gets into these awful moods and tells me I'm useless and to just get a job. He knows my big fear is being back at work unwell, it was awful pushing through days when I was sick and in pain. But now I am not making money and it's this awful tension between us. He resents me for it and doesn't understand that I spend most days feeling like shit.
When I think about leaving I just can't see how. We live in a rural area, I have applied for a few part time jobs in my field but failed to get them. They don't come up often. I really don't think I would survive teaching. We own the house together. It's my childhood home.
I'm tired and sore and I think depressed and I just don't know how to make a change without it costing my health for good. But I will be forty this year and I don't want to spend the rest of my life being bullied and afraid in my own home. I feel exactly what he calls me, useless.
No one to talk to in real life. Everybody loves him. And I understand why, he's great with everyone. Just not me.