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Original poster

If your DP called you by his exes name a couple of times? Sign that he hasn't moved on or just a slip of the tongue?

52 replies

CarbonEmittingPenguin · 15/05/2016 14:50

For about 6 months I've been dating someone and if it's already going south I'd rather leave now than continue having doubts and questioning mine/his behaviour.

He'll occasionally call me by his ex girlfriend's name and I really cannot stand this. It just screams that he still somewhere in his mind has her in his thoughts. Fine if he does but I don't want to be the rebound or the buffer whilst he sorts himself out.

It's not even a similar name like Nicola vs Nicole. If he can't call me by my actual name then what hope is there?

I think I've already made up my mind but I don't know if IABU because it's just a name. But it's my name. Everyone else in my life with whom I don't even share any sort of intimacy with can remember to call me by my right name yet my own partner can't Hmm

Sorry, rambling now and don't really know what my question is but would this be a deal breaker for you?

OP posts:
WolfAlice · 15/05/2016 16:07

I did it once. I was very, very angry with DH about something pregnant hormones and I very rarely lose my temper with him so my brains natural reaction was to add exH's name in there instead because he was a twat. Makes sense Grin

Something to keep an eye on but doesn't mean he's pining after her necessarily

Helmetbymidnight · 15/05/2016 16:09

I get my children's names wrong, dhs name wrong, everyone's name wrong...

AcrossthePond55 · 15/05/2016 16:39

I get my children's names wrong hahaha Helmet! Just last night I called our dog by DS2's name when I was telling him to stop barking! DS2 will never let me live that one down!

Joysmum · 15/05/2016 18:29

My dad was talking to me this week about my step mum and accidentally called her my mums name. It's been over 25 years since they split up.

There's no way on earth either of them would want to get back together. Me and my step mum caught each other's eye and smirked Grin

sykadelic · 15/05/2016 19:18

Haha the dog thing reminded me that at Thanksgiving last year MIL yelled "sykadelic, cut it out!" because she was looking at me while the dogs were barking. She was mortified and at Christmas it was still a pretty big joke!

My DF used to run through all our names when yelling for one of us. I even got called my DBro's name once! I also have 2 dogs and just this morning told the wrong one to hurry up.

I just feel so inadequate and angry all the time about it and at the 6-month mark I really shouldn't feel this way

10+ years is a LONG time and there's a lot of history between them. There has to be another reason you feel inadequate and angry all the time, not just the name thing, but you don't need a reason to end things. It's just not working for you and you have no ties to each other.

Claraoswald36 · 16/05/2016 20:11

I have called my lovely dp by exh (vile) name a few times now. It categorically means nothing it's just a mistake. They really are nothing alike nor are the names similar.

TennesseeDays · 16/05/2016 20:31

I think it's just a slip of the tongue and means nothing.

I am another one who frequently gets my children's names wrong. I spent ages once talking about my daughter to a friend, but referring to her by friend's daughter's name by mistake, and I didn't even notice! I then caused even more confusion and bewilderment when I called the same friend's DD my niece's name.

I have frequently called DC and DH by the dog's name and vice versa, and I've even called the dog "mum" before. I often refer to DH by my brother's name, or something - to the point when DH quite often has to ask if I mean him or if I am actually talking about my DB.
The other day I was reserving a table at a restaurant and I got my own name wrong Confused.

Some people are just a bit absent-minded. If everyone in my life had stormed off if I called them by the wrong name, I'd have no friends or family left and I'd be living on my own in a cave by now.

UmbongoUnchained · 16/05/2016 20:32

My husband goes through every woman's name on the fucking planet before he gets to mine sometimes.

UmbongoUnchained · 16/05/2016 20:33

And my name is actually a boys name Grin

TFletchersWife · 18/05/2016 15:00

For the first year of my current relationship I used to have to pause slightly before saying her name. Because once I slipped up casually. I wasn't even thinking of her in fact i really despise her it definitely can be down to just habit

HostaFireandIce · 18/05/2016 16:06

I'm a teacher. I have been called Mum many times and occasionally Dad. It's force of habit. I don't think the fact that he calls you by his ex's name means anything at all, but I think the fact that it makes you so angry is the issue here. Either you are insecure in the relationship or there are bigger issues which are leading you to focus on this.

BeckyMcDonald · 18/05/2016 16:17

I called my husband my ex's name while I was in Labour. I've been with my husband for 10 years and we have three kids. I was with my ex for 10 months 15 years ago. I can absolutely promise it was just a slip of the tongue.

fizzyrubbish · 18/05/2016 16:25

Agree with whoever said if it was while watching the TV or cooking pizza etc, it's just a slip of the tongue.

I still have this thing where I call DH by ex's name if talking to a 3rd party about him (i.e. X thinks that DC3's reading is going well). It's always about trivial stuff.

I am always confusing the name of DC5 and the dog in speech. Probably because they are both at the "no, get down boy" phase.

OverTheRiver · 18/05/2016 16:35

I wouldn't worry if I were you. A study was done recently about why this happens. www.futurity.org/moms-families-dogs-names-1152392/
I really don't think it has anything to do with him having feelings for his ex still, but is happening because you're his partner now and because of the way the brain works all partner names are filed away together.....

LookAtMeGo · 18/05/2016 16:45

The replies on this thread are hilarious!Grin

TheVillageTaxpayer · 18/05/2016 17:10

I call my current pet by the name of a pet who's been dead for more than 10 years, often.

OP, I think RiceCrispy has nailed it. You need to figure out why you are expecting so much, so soon, in what is really a short-lived relationship, and why it is affecting your self-image and self-worth so much one way or the other. I cannot imagine letting a new boyfriend's verbal stumbles bother me so much let alone "enrage" me. You are still early in the getting-to-know-you stage.

BeckywiththeGoodHare · 18/05/2016 17:16

As others have said, if he called you by her name in bed or at moments of romantic tenderness, then it might be an issue, otherwise it's probably just an honest brain slip. I've called my DP by my ex's name only once, and it was a snap reaction to something I wanted him to stop doing because it was winding up my dog - definitely a mental throwback to my annoying ex of 15 years!

He was distraught and even though I apologised and explained and tried to rationalise it for him, nothing I could say would persuade him that it was a genuine error and meant nothing - and to be honest, although I didn't show it to him, I was kind of hurt and annoyed that my commitment/attention/general loving behaviour in the time we'd been together wasn't enough to let him shrug it off. It felt paranoid and needy and had me walking on eggshells for a few days in case I made another genuine error and unleashed the mother of all sulks. Which wasn't great.

VeryFoolishFay · 18/05/2016 17:22

I was with my exDH for 20 years and have been remarried 11 years. I still do it occasionally and whilst I get on well with ExDH, I certainly don't harbour any romantic feelings!

angelicjen · 18/05/2016 17:34

I call the baby by the cat's name all the time. It doesn't mean anything in my case or his.
However, you do sound unsure and unhappy in your relationship so try to figure out what it really is making you doubt him and address that. But leave the name thing out of it.

NewLife4Me · 18/05/2016 17:41

my dh called me his ex gf name a few times in the year we were together.
there was no problem and 28 years later we are still together.

KittensandKnitting · 18/05/2016 17:42

My ex of 14 years has a very similar name to my DP of 3 years (haven't seen or heard from ex for 7 years)

Have never called DP by ex name but friend said I did once sure I didn't she was pissed as a fart at the time and I have been paranoid ever since.

My brother and I have incredibly similar names "kitten v smitten" and my mum is always calling me smitten and him kitten (this is obviously for example purposes lol)

So some are good with names others not,

Think I would be upset in a romantic moment, heat of an argument not so much so and if over a brain not reaching mouth thing I'd laugh it off first time but get it would grind if constant.

KittensandKnitting · 18/05/2016 17:44

i call the baby by the cats name all the time

Hillarious and I guess because it is a small baby and your more than likely shattered :) and completely forgivable imagines cat is called Mr posh whiskas

Goingtobeawesome · 18/05/2016 17:54

I nearly called DH by my first loves name in bed. Not good. He knew what I nearly said Sad.

fizzyrubbish · 18/05/2016 18:29

Oh good. I've been feeling a bit guilty for calling the puppy and the baby by each other's names.

It's because they are both unfeasibly cute. Grin

fizzyrubbish · 18/05/2016 18:30

villagetaxpayer - YES I keep doing that too. Calling the puppy the name of our last but one dog. Think it's because they are both the same breed.