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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I "get over" a gay man

12 replies

TrafficJunkie · 15/05/2016 02:15

There's a guy I work with. I thought he was really attractive when we first met. There even seemed to be a spark between us. We got on like a house on fire from day one. I later, and not much later, learned that he's gay and in a relationship.
So how do I stop feeling so....enamoured around him? It's very difficult. He's very flirty and touchy - obviously just feels comfortable I suppose because he's gay and knows it doesn't imply anything - but for me it's quite difficult! We make eye contact all the time, he's always looking in my direction, touches my arm or does small playful things, stands around to make conversation.....I enjoy it mostly but I always feel a little sad at the end of the day because I know it's nothing.

So my question is, what does a person do to stop letting the flirts mean more than they do? Does that make sense? I know myself and I'll end up being some Romeo to Rosaline....

OP posts:
Saltfish · 15/05/2016 02:34

He's gay. Remember that. The flirting won't mean half of what it'll mean to you.

I'm lesbian and men seem to always think I'm flirting with them. I'm really really not. Don't read too much into it.

TrafficJunkie · 15/05/2016 02:37

That's the thing - I don't want to now that I know. But I don't know HOW to not read too much into it!

OP posts:
TrafficJunkie · 15/05/2016 02:53

Of course I could be reading it all wrong 😂

OP posts:
Saltfish · 15/05/2016 02:55

Avoid him for a bit? If that's possible? He sounds very flirty in nature so probably likes the attention. Do you think this could be a passing crush?

TrafficJunkie · 15/05/2016 03:03

I hope so saltfish

So perhaps if I don't respond much to the flirting he will stop doing it do you think? Or whatever it is.

OP posts:
lateforeverything · 15/05/2016 03:12

I don't think he'd necessarily stop... he might go to further lengths to shock/get a reaction from you... Hmm

TrafficJunkie · 15/05/2016 03:14

Oh wonderful! lateforeverything maybe I should beat him to the post and go all out first. Maybe that'll make him stop!!

OP posts:
lateforeverything · 15/05/2016 03:37

Yeah if you can block off your feelings then go ahead and play the game. Wink

RiceCrispieTreats · 15/05/2016 04:33

I think if it's difficult for you to be around someone, then you need to see that person less.

KittyWindbag · 15/05/2016 05:03

Some people are just natural flirts, it's part of their character. I have a friend who flirts with everyone, male or female.

If you get on with this guy and think you could have a friendship with him, why not invite him and and his partner for casual after-work drinks. Seeing him in the context of his relationship might help you to recalibrate the situation. Suddenly avoiding him might be a bit hard, if you work together.

TrafficJunkie · 15/05/2016 08:11

kitty that's a good idea actually! That'll probably work a treat.

OP posts:
harrisntasha · 15/05/2016 16:35

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