For most of 2014 and 2015 i was troubled by depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. During this time i destroyed a friendship with one of my closest friends by being paranoid, needy, insecure and generally a pain in the arse to be around. I apologised to her several times but in the end the apologies were pretty much ignored as i guess she thought that things were not going to change.
I have been having counselling for about 6 months and can on reflection see how awful i was to her and how when i was saying sorry before i wasn't actually in the right mental space to change my behaviour. I keep thinking about sending her an email to apologise again, because i feel bad about how i behaved and regret the lost friendship. However, i suspect that she will either just see it as another empty apology, or she will see it as me bothering her when we are no longer friends. i don't think it will be a well-received apology and know there will never be some miraculous moment where things go back to how they were 3 years ago therefore i would only be apologising to make myself feel better. I keep trying to put myself in her shoes and think about how she might feel but it's difficult to put myself on the other side. Is there any point in me emailing her to say that i now realise how awful i was?