What is the best way to win someone back when they have dumped you?

[Becoolio]

If someone tells you they don't want to see you any more, what is the best way of winning them back?

These are the ones I thought of:

• act cool as if you don't care
• give a little goodbye speech
• say something about how wonderful they are/declare undying love
• say how upset/heartbroken you are
• say something which shows you are leaving the door open
• act gutted/angry
• accidentally on purpose bump in to them somewhere looking fab
• tell them you are seeing someone else
• tell them you won't let them go without a fight
• act friendly and send them the odd text as if you are still interested in their life
• leave it.

Note: I am intending to do nothing, just wondering.

The only two that have worked for me in the past are act as if I don't care and start seeing someone else.
What about you?

He wanted go come back and I was shocked as I thought it was definitely over. I let him walk out and accepted it.

Nothing on your list ...
Be nice and kind to others around you. They might think 'actually I missed something really good there'.

Sounds like his greener pastures weren't all that much greener and decided to let you have another chance but negging you so you'll try harder this time.
Arse.

Did you not have an opinion about it? It isn't just up to him as to whether he can waltz back into your life or not.

No. You have to teach yourself to believe that one of the most attractive traits in another person is that they value you. It's really, really important. If they don't appreciate you, it makes them less, not more, attractive.

This is a crucial life skill. More important than learning how to drive or how to pack so that your clothes all fit in your luggage and don't arrive crumpled.

If he didn't appreciate you, life together would have been horrible. Every day of your life would have been a small (or even large) exercise in sharing your intimate existence with someone who - at some fundamental level - just didn't think you were good enough. How grim!

It may not feel like it now, but you will be glad this happened one day.

Trawl the internet for pictures of your favourite TV/film/pop star and imagine them telling you how marvellous you are (with specific details). This is what you need to be doing with wine and a laptop. Not trying to plot your own downfall. Forwards, woman of spirit: you have new lands to explore!

OP "He wanted go come back and I was shocked as I thought it was definitely over. I let him walk out and accepted it."

he's not just an arse, he's a game playing arse then!

move on.

Just being dignified about it is the best way imo and don't maintain contact. Get on with living your own life and meeting people, pursuing hobbies and building up your own confidence. They might start to realise they've lost a good thing, on the other hand if they don't you're in a better position for moving on anyway. Not worth pining after someone who doesn't want you.

So he dumped you and then blamed you for not trying to "win " him back.

A lucky break I'd say.

Great post CatfromJapan :)

Yes agree re catfromjapan.

If they don't appreciate you, it makes them less, not more, attractive.

Yup.

He must be a proper charmer if this is him trying to win you back!

Try this instead

forwards, woman of spirit: you have new lands to explore!

Is that a quotation? catfrom if not you are the author of my favourite MN quote EVER!

Let them go and keep your dignity. You would be a fool to chase after them. They have told you all you need to hear.
Mourn and move on.

I totally get the OP, I have just been dumped and have considered each one of those options over the last 24 hours. I am not actually going to do any but I have thought about them all.

Keep your dignity no matter how tempting it is to do any of those options.
It's always best to let people go if they choose to and if they come back then the ball is in your court.

declaring undying love option would just make me run faster

That old saying.. if you love someone set them free.. if they come back to you.. blah blah blah..
I kind of prefer The Beautiful South song A little time.
My honest opinion? Having felt like you when my ex left me for OW I decided to make myself fab-u-lous!!
So that when he came back he'd see how fabulous I was and what he was missing..
whilst I was self improving I met someone who liked me a damn sight better than my ex did. We are still together. Fourteen months now.
So make your life totally amazing. He might not come back. He might. But you won't give a shit because you are onto better things. The early part sucks though so for now. Then crack on with your new life.

What a fantastic post thecatfromjapan - you should be forced to hang out on the Relationships board permanently to dispense advice!

It's called a break up because it's broken (favourite quote from 'He's just not that into you')

Sorry, should have said... the book not the movie https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/0007431856

None of those things are "winning them back". Nearly all of them are "massaging their ego with the last tatters of your self-respect". You did good, OP, don't let him tell you otherwise.