Toxic friendships. What was your experience please?

[SoleBizzz]

I have just ended a toxic friendship. She had a few great qualities but her worse traits cancelled those out. She slag people off constantly, twists the truth to try and make others look bad.

I'm sick of it. I'm dreading her turning up at my house..

I was the one who was dropped, I was devastated at the time but looking back now I can see that it was a very one sided friendship and once I got over the initial sadness my life has been much happier.

Im not perfect by any means but I was always willing to lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on and I did my best to be supportive and give advice where I could of she was having a rough time. Over time I noticed that 9 times out of 10, when it was me that needed advice or support she wasn't interested. She didn't like it when the attention wasn't focused on her. She would frequently blow hot and cold with me. Now I get that we all have off days but there would be significant periods of time where she just would not speak to me and she would give no explanation for this, especially as she'd be fine with everyone else. It often left me confused and trying to work out what I'd done. Towards the end I left her to it until she decided she wanted to communicate with me again until one day I realised that she had blocked all contact. Haven't seen her since.

It hurt at the time because I was going through a difficult time and needed support, but now I have perspective and I'm much happier without her in my life sapping all my emotional energy. Not sure what her problem was, maybe I was too needy or something but either way we're probably better off without each other.

Hi SoleBizz hope you had a great night out. I agree with others that it's best to disengage from this "friendship" without dialogue. It sounds like the least said the better as she will only twist your words. You've learnt from her to avoid types like her in future. Friendship is precious and special, you have fun together, nurture each other, you watch each other's back. She was no friend to you.

I have a friend who everyone I'm close to says is toxic. It's not good. Stay away.

I have received a text from her just now to say she had been expecting it and it's not goodbye and how she obviously thinks more of me than I of her.

Reply 'Who is this?'

A couple of years ago I went NC with a toxic friend and it's the best decision I made.

She was in a string of failed relationships and used to slag my OH off saying he was just the same as her boyfriends so I should leave him and go get a house with her (she had no money to get said house as kept giving it to her 'boyfriends' to help them out so I would have had to pay for this)

She expected me (and others in our friendship group) to drop everything and go to her if she wanted to see us. A couple of my friends had young babies at the time and she called them asking for lifts home late at night if she had been arguing with useless boyfriends.

The last straw came when we all booked a girly weekend away, she told us she was working late so couldn't come down with us but would be there later that evening, then turned up with new boyfriend in tow (had only been with him a week) and said he was staying as he had brought her down and it was too much effort for him to drive back.

I didn't even tell her I wasn't talking to her anymore. Blocked her from everything and haven't looked back since. I really don't miss that drama.

Hope you enjoyed your night out OP. You will be much happier from here on!

You have done the right thing.

Allowing yourself to accept the "you know what, this is giving me more grief than support, I am worth more than this" mindset and just quietly moving on with your life is a valuable skill. One yiu have learnt and can grow from.

I am 'lucky' in that I met someone seriously fucked up in my 2nd year at university, and although I had to redo my whole second year because of her (who ended up with a first ), I have not had a single twinge in nipping similar friendships in the bud when I see where they're heading.

It is a pile of crap to go through, the self-doubt etc, but you will be happier, stronger and better equippped to recognise if it is happening again with someone else and how to handle it.

How's your head sole? Hope you had a good night.

Heads fine thanks it's tonight I'm off out. Tomorrow night be another story FattyNinjaGirl x

Had an ok night. My friends friends were a bit frosty but one of them warmed up to me a bit. They were a bit ignorant though towards me. Impolite. I think I will watch a band with them again if they're about but won't go to the other bar afterwards to chat. Bit unfriendly and awkward for me.

I ended a friendship with someone who only would ever see me when she needed the toilet on the school run, needed a stop of after going to do her food shop, needed a lift or needed 'something'.
I also noticed her friends smiling at me and saying hi at the school like they knew me so guessed she was chatting my business. After realising what a fool I had been and how she never made the effort to meet outside of term time one day I didn't answer the door after school. Her texts then became distant and she became friends with some other girls. Would ignore me when with them and only text me later saying sorry couldn't speak how's things.

I decided I didn't have time for this toxic friendship when i started working and when she confronted my dh about something personal then said she thought intimidating him was funny that's when I realised my gut instinct was telling me right. I just think it's pathetic that grown women older than myself can be so immature.

At least your night wasn't totally crap.
How are you now? Feeling a bit better about things?

Utter user I TOTALLY. .good work getting rid.

FattyNinjaOwl I feel positive but miss her a bit. Still a bit doubtful and wondering what lies she is telling about me. I guess I'm just bored as a SAHM. thank you for asking x

Oh it's horrible op

I had s long term friend who rained on everything good I did in life. If I passed exams she would say 'ah you've nothing else in your wee life' (meaning I wasn't married - even in my twenties)

She rang an ex boyfriend to find out what the story was - finding his number in the local newspaper and didn't tell me for months afterwards

Moaned and moaned and moaned

Rang constantly to meet up, even on Sunday's from 9 am onwards

This was all fine but grating on me. She spoiled my hen by staring shit that my in laws to be would turn on me (just because she didn't get on well with hers)

then when I had a baby she kept trying to call over days after section and when I asked for s few more days she rang my mother telling her my dh wouldn't let her over (my mum loves a bit of shit stiring herself)

All was ok. Then she started phoning my mother saying I had depression because I was pushing her away. I wasn't pushing he away - she was disgusting me. Saying the baby was mad for tit and all sorts of vulgar things. I can laugh off stuff but she was too intrusive

It was a nightmare to shake her off, she called, left notes through the door, waited in the car until I got home then cried. I sent a text begging her to leave me alone. Begging her. 18months on I still get missed calls from her. Gah

My goodness!! Have you blocked her number?

SoleBizzz - all of your family are toxic and most of your friends too?

Are you sure?

Yes I am!

I ended a long friendship with a truly toxic narcissist and compulsive liar. She lied about being raped (even when she knew I had), lied about having cancer and lied about being pregnant. She was always bitching about her friends so I knew she was doing it about me. And everything was always about her. If something bad happened to me she'd make something up that was seemingly worse.

Despite all this I do still suffer from guilt. But I don't regret it. We've exchanged a few short messages since but I'm so much happier without her in my life - it was truly draining.

Most of my friends and family? My parents and Sister and one friend I have posted about a few times.

It is draining. I feel so much lighter without her.

I'm glad that made you feel better bibbity. Having a dig about my father's control of my mother and sisters lives. Look at yourself. Posting on Mumsnet to vent your spite.

sole pay no attention. Get your arse over here and have a rant, a natter, whatever you want.

Will do thank you ☺☺